WTF meeting

We had our WTF meeting today. It was okay. Enlightening. Basically our last cycle failed because of my eggs. I have to get FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) done again and AMH (anti mullerian hormone) tests done to make sure I don't have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). Otherwise they are making the assumption that I'll do better on antagonist protocol with lupron trigger. Every single one of my eggs was bad though - my RE called them 'clorg' eggs. Clorg stands for clustered organelles or something - which is bad apparently. It's all science fiction to me. I'm just calling them plain old rotten eggs! Definitely disturbing though. Now I have to wait for my period to come and go get these tests done. Prior to starting our IVF, my RE did not recommend any further testing for me b/c of my hubby's sperm quality. He said the meds would take care of any issues I might have and the IVF procedure would bypass my blocked tube. We already knew that I had hormone issues, but did not do further investigation beyond the FSH test I had 2 years ago - just knew it would be harder to get pregnant given my estrogen and progesterone levels. Well, the drugs didn't seem to solve my issues and now we have to try again. Sort of pissy. Especially since my job is not very secure right now and the only reason we are able to do this at all is because my insurance is awesome. I am so thankful for it, but now it seems like I have a good chance of loosing it soon and we pretty much wasted an opportunity with this last cycle. Sorry for the rant, but I just feel like I was a guinea pig - and unnecessarily so. I know it's sort of a trial and error type thing with the protocols but if the FSH and AMH tests are going to determine if I have DOR or not and hence an antagoist approach is better for that diagnosis, I think that's pretty important to know before going in to a cycle. Whatever! I think we might be switching REs anyway. Possibly to the clinic in Chicago that we had the phone consult with. Commuting there will suck but they accomodate out of town couples all the time and they have really good success rates. My clinic, not so much - below average actually.

With regard to infertility, I know I can't control it, fix it, change it and it drives my stubborn type A self nuts. Perhaps this is God's way of letting me know I'm not really in control. What I struggle with is where to draw the line between using the blessings God has given us and trying to manipulate or control the situation. My hubby says that we just need to quiet our minds and be confident that we are exactly where we should be. Opportunities present themselves and then we can take action - not the other way around.