Not much hope now

Today I am 8dp5dt. I have my beta tomorrow morning. I have been taking pee tests since Sunday afternoon. Last one was an hour ago. They've all been negative. I was pretty upset about it yesterday. But I've accepted it today. Even though we had poor embryos on day 5, I still had hope that something would stick and give us a sibling for our son. Now it doesn't look like that will happen. 

So next steps will be to actually get my beta results. Should be late afternoon when I'll get the call. Hopefully I won't cry so I can make an appointment right away for a follow up meeting with our RE. Then we'll call a couple other places for 2nd opinions. Even if we stay at the same place in the end, we'll still probably get some advice or things to try for next time. I know already that I'll add acupuncture back in next time but there might be other things. 

But we'll have to wait for my hubby to get a new job and for my insurance to roll over in January before we start another cycle. In the meantime, more preparation.  More dwelling on whether or not we'll be able to grow our family. Whatever will be will be I guess. If a cycle next year doesn't work though, I think we'll be done. And that is just scary. Perhaps we will consider adoption but I just don't know about that. Biggest thing will be guilt that we can't give our son a sibling.  Tons of people only have 1 child these days but IMO nothing is better than having a sibling who you have an unspoken understanding with. A sibling is a friend and confidant for life. And when your parents drive you nuts and start going batty, they will be there to laugh with you. I'm probably being overly dramatic. But it's a gift I want to give our son and I might not be able to. 

First things first though. Gotta get the beta done. Will post with those results tomorrow.