Happy New Year! Looking back on 2012, it was a pretty good year despite the heartache of our first IVF not being a success. It was really not that bad of an experience though. I learned a lot about myself, my body, and my husband and I are stronger now because of it so I am grateful for that. There were plenty of positive things that happened unrelated to TTC efforts too. Training for and completing 2 sprint triathlons this past summer was definitely a highlight for me. Accomplishing that was like a metaphor for how I have gotten through the hardships in my life. If I could cross the finish line twice and live to talk about it, I can overcome anything that God may send my way! If I grit my teeth and push through the pain, I'll emerge on the other side a stronger person.
Often I wonder, like a lot of couples struggling with infertility, why us? Early in our infertility journey and when we got our BFN from our last IVF cycle it seemed as though God was punishing us for some reason - if only we were nicer people, or maybe we did something to make Him mad at us - then we wouldn't have to suffer so much. But now I realize that these hardships have to happen to some people and there is no reason for it. God isn't "picking on us" and He does not ever give us anything that we cannot handle. He knows that we are strong enough to handle infertility and has given us countless tools and blessings that we can use to overcome and get through it. As long as we see these blessings and thank God for them, we will persevere.
I have also found that God has given us qualities and talents that are meant to be given away to others. Whether it is supporting my new friends on the online boards that I have found, or helping children learn to read, I receive as much - if not more - than I give away. This year my company adopted a family for Christmas. Since we have no children of our own yet, I decided to volunteer to shop for a little girl in that family. It was a lot of fun shopping for that girl and delivering the gifts to the mother was heartwarming. Helping that family have a wonderful Christmas made me see that material possessions really don't matter that much. The phrase in the St Francis Prayer that "It is in giving that we receive" really hit home.
As far as new years resolutions, I don't have many. Just want to continue on in the same mindset that I have been in. Staying healthy in both mind and body is the priority for me right now. Continuing with working out for now to pass the time. My tummy definitely got flabby from the inactivity last fall. I know I won't get rid of all of the flub, but I'm making progress at least. The more I loose now, the less I'll have to loose later when I'm hopefully working off the baby fat next November!
I have my hysteroscopy set for Thursday morning. Hopefully they'll tell me more info regarding dates and such and what my AMH level is. I am anticipating my next period to arrive on the 12th or 13th so that may mean that I'll be due for starting stims in possibly 2-3 weeks or so. This RE likes to schedule cycles more than my previous RE though so they may put me on birth control or something so that I start stimming when they want me to. Fine with me!
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