So we have been moving forward with getting all our ducks lined up for the cycle we want to do this fall. We have all our bloodwork done. We just needed to get hubby's semen analysis done and have my uterus looked at.
Hubby did his analysis a couple weeks ago. We had them freeze a sample in case there is nothing on retrieval day or if hubby cannot come with me for some reason. His count and motility came back slightly lower than normal, but his morphology was 0%. This is pretty much the same as last time. Good thing is that he has "homies". They are just shaped in such a way that would require ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection - where they inject a sperm in to one of my eggs and see if the sperm fertilizes the egg). The bad morph number doesn't mean his sperm are carrying defective genetic material - it just means that they cannot effectively penetrate the eggs' shell in order to fertilize it. Because we are doing ICSI, this in essence increases our chances of conceiving a boy since the sperm are hand picked by the embryologist. The male sperm tend to be the fastest, most progressive sperm but die sooner while the female sperm tend to be slower but live the longest. During ICSI, the embryologist chooses the healthiest sperm which tend to be faster, robust sperm (the males). Of course there are plenty of female ICSI babies too - it's just that there is an increase in male babies.
I went up to visit my RE this past Monday and had my uterus and ovaries looked at. I had the hysteroscopy and an ultrasound to look at the ovaries. Originally I had thought I was going to have an HSG, but I guess not. I get them mixed up sometimes. It was laughable how painless it was this time! They asked me right before the procedure whether my son was delivered vaginally or via c-section. After I said 'vaginally and he had a big head', they ensured me that the procedure would not hurt one bit. They were right. It just felt like a pap smear - slightly uncomfortable, some pressure and faint cramping, but that was it. They looked around my uterus and saw that everything was normal - no polyps, fibroids, etc. Then they looked at my ovaries. They looked good. They counted the number of antral follicles as well. This gives the AFC number (antral follicle count). 3 years ago I had 20-22. But now, I only have 11. I'm slightly worried about this, but trust my doctor. This just means that my response might be a bit sluggish and I might not produce as many eggs as last time. However, since my other levels are all fine, the doc doesn't have concerns and is keeping me on the same protocol. The silver lining I guess is that I might not become over-stimulated as easily this time which may mean that I can have an HCG trigger and won't have to be on PIO for 16 weeks (or however long it was - I have blocked that out from my memory:)). It is strange that I have a normal AMH level but a slightly low AFC. Usually the AMH and AFC are in sync with each other as they are both considered to be a measure of the ovarian egg volume. I did some googling of course after getting my AFC count and found this interesting link: http://www.posters2view.eu/eshre2014/data/500.pdf
It is a study of the outcome of IVF cycles where women had either low AFC and normal AMH or had normal AFC and low AMH. Seems like it is not so bad to have what I have - but a bit worse to have the opposite. At least I don't have both. Then I would be diagnosed with "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" (DOR). For now, I'm reading up on it but I'm not too worried about it. The AFC number is also somewhat objective and no two ultrasound techs will count the same number. At my clinic a good range of AFCs fall between 14-21. Mine falls in the somewhat reduced range between 9-13. During stims, other follicles tend to pop up as well. So we'll just have to see what happens.
I also sat down with the nurse and got more of an idea regarding dates. I am to call them on day 1 of my next period (should be mid-September). Then I will go on birth control for ~2 weeks. They will have me go off of it around 10/1, have a bleed, and then start stims a couple days after for an egg retrieval somewhere around the week of Oct 11th. The goal is to have enough embryos make it to day 5. Then if we have enough, they will do PGS (preimplantation genetic screening) and freeze the embryos. I think it takes 2 weeks to find out the results. This is testing for chromosomal abnormalities so we don't transfer embryos that might result in a miscarriage or a baby with a defect. I think it would determine gender too but not sure if we will do that. So if we have normal embryos, we will wait until mid-November and do a frozen embryo transfer (FET). If we do not have normal embryos then sadly the cycle was a bust, but at least we don't go thru the embryo transfer and 2 week wait only to end up with a BFN or m/c. If we do not have enough embryos on day 5 though, then we will just go straight to embryo transfer and see what happens. The good thing about doing PGS/FET is that we would only transfer a single embryo since we would know that it is genetically normal. Whereas with the fresh IVF cycle we would probably want to do 2 just in case 1 is abnormal.
Anyway, things are really starting to get close. I'm still undecided on whether or not I want to do acupuncture. It is relaxing and studies have been done that shows that it helps. But it is just so dang expensive and things are pretty hectic at work right now. So we'll see. But less than a month from now, I will likely be shooting up again! Oh the joys of IVF!!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Here we go again... Round 2 in T minus 3 months
It has been quite some time since I last posted. Kellen is still everything we have ever dreamed of and then some. There are definitely times when I want to pull my hair out in frustration but he is really such a joy - and we have IVF and God to thank for him being able to come in to our lives. Life has been a whirlwind since he was born - a good whirlwind. We are very rarely ever sitting around anymore! The days of us waiting in anxiety for test results or diagnoses have been over for quite some time. Until now. And so it begins again!
We have decided to try to have a 2nd baby. I have been on board with this concept ever since Kellen was born. My husband however was not so eager... until a couple weeks ago. He told me that he had been thinking about it and he is on board with trying again. He asked me if I had a plan. HA!! Me??? A plan???? Why, yes! Yes, I had a plan! I know my hubby well. Fully anticipating his change-of-heart, I had been quietly stashing away money in our HSA account, saving spare money left over at the end of the month in to a savings account for whatever might come next - of which I hoped would be another go at IVF. So in response to his question regarding my plan, I casually said that it would be good if we tried again before the end of the year to maximize our insurance, use up our deductible, etc. He agreed and here we are!
I gave our old RE a call a couple days after and the office set up an appointment for a new semen analysis for hubby this coming weekend, infectious disease testing, and day 3 testing for me. I have already received my day 3 test results this past Monday. All is "normal". My FSH, E2, AMH, and LH numbers were drawn. Results were as follows:
FSH = 8.3 < 9 - good
E2 = 50 < 80 - good
LH = 2.0
AMH = 1.6 > 1.5 - normal
Back in 2013 my FSH was 6.4 - so I've had an increase since then, but it's still below the threshold so that's good. My E2 is also good. E2 is primarily drawn so that the doctor knows that my estradiol is not artificially suppressing my FSH number. If E2 is above 80, they start to worry about that happening and they might want the blood redrawn. They also drew LH. I don't think I had that drawn in 2013 - or at least I don't know what that result was. I don't know the thresholds on this one - from what I'm reading though it should be at roughly a 1:1 ratio with the FSH number. If LH is much higher than FSH, that could indicate PCOS. If it is much lower, that could indicate an ovarian reserve issue. Since my LH number is lower, I'm sort of concerned about that. My FSH:LH ratio is 4.15 - pretty high. So I don't know. I asked about it though and they said it wasn't a problem - so I guess I will trust them. My AMH number actually increased from 2013 which is really good. AMH is also an indicator of ovarian reserve. In 2013 it was 1.24 which was "low normal". Now it's just normal. Yay! So all in all, there is slight evidence that I'm getting older, as seen with the FSH number but my numbers are all still good and I do not have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). My RE reviewed my numbers and since not much has changed, he is recommending the same protocol (antagonist with ganirelix) be used with a possible lupron trigger. Last time I did a dual HCG/lupron trigger. I don't know why - that's what they said to do so I did it:)
Similar to 2 years ago, I am vitamin D deficient so I have to take replesta for 3 weeks and then take a vitamin D3 supplement until my cycle. This is in addition to the OODLES of other supplements that my hubby and I are on. I will create a separate post about that because it is a long list. It was adopted from the supplement list that CCRM recommends. I'll leave it at that for now.
So remaining tests for me now will be to get an HSG done. I'm not looking forward to that. I'll be doing that at the end of this month. That is where they pump the uterus full of dye and look for uterine issues via ultrasound. The HSG was slightly less painful than the hysteroscopy though. The hysteroscopy is where they insert a telescope-like tool into the uterine cavity and pump saline to get a good picture of any issues. Basically the same thing as the HSG but the hysteroscopy is clearer whereas the HSG is looking at the cavity via ultrasound.
That's all for now! We are officially back in IVF-land though. Bittersweet. I really wish we could just be like everyone else and conceive naturally - but not so apparently. Oh well, as long as we don't dwell on that fact, we are alright. Spend too much time thinking about it though and those resentments start wreaking havoc and making a less-than-ideal situation oh so much worse! So for now, thankful that we CAN try for another child, thankful my levels are still good, thankful my hubby has finally jumped on board, mildly holding my breath for what my hubby's test might reveal, but getting effectively distracted by my 21 month old BUSY boy. More to come!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
What I have learned post-partum...
...4 months is not a long time but we have learned so much in that small period. Those first weeks were filled with trial and error, testing out tips that I read about in books and online, and general cluelessness. Some tips/methods worked for me, others did not. Every mom and baby are different I guess. Most things we figured out on our own as we got to know our baby. Here's what I wish I knew before birth:
Breastfeeding/Pumping/Bottle feeding:
Baby care:
My recovery:
General Observations:
Breastfeeding/Pumping/Bottle feeding:
- Despite what the lactation consultants suggest in the hospital, I don't need 500 pillows in order to nurse; just need my boppy, a pillow behind my back and a good foot stool/rest.
- Use the dishwasher if possible to wash bottles. Handwashing is a PAIN!
- We turned a corner once a small amount of rice cereal was added to breastmilk. But there are drawbacks - know the risks before doing it.
- Soothies gel pads are really soothing.
- Lanolin is hard to put on and encourages yeast.
- Motherlove nipple cream is great but hard to find.
- Olive oil is a good substitute when you're out of cream.
- Coconut oil on flanges feels great while pumping and reduces friction.
- Clean valves, connectors, and membranes once per day - do suggest cleaning flanges after each pump though. Put parts in ziploc bag and store in fridge until next pump session.
- Get a good app to track everything. Do not rely on your memory which is running on low power due to lack of sleep! I use The First Years to track feeding, sleeping, diapers, etc and Milk Maid to keep track of freezer stash and pumping output.
- Freezer stash takes up a lot of room. I only have 4 weeks worth and had to buy a deep freezer to store it all because it was taking over our kitchen freezer.
- If nursing doesn't work at first, be persistent and make an attempt once per day. As baby gets bigger and stronger he may catch on.
- Get a hands free pump bra!
- Pumping pals flanges are really worth it.
- Breast pads prevent leaks and make nips feel better.
- Get the lansinoh heat/cold pack for inevitable soreness and clogs.
- Do not wait to pump/breastfeed! Clogs and engorgement really sucks!
Baby care:
- When putting on a new diaper always point the willy down!
- Sensitive wipes and diapers are worth it. Our baby gets rashes when we use regular wipes and diapers.
- Babies like baths AND lotion.
- Gas drops are a life saver and can be used at every feeding.
- There is no such thing as too many burp cloths.
- Be sure to wipe UNDER balls too!
- Must have wash/burp cloth on willy during changes especially if willy looks unusually large (pee boner)!
- We have rarely used receiving blankets - in the beginning, yes for swaddling. Perhaps we will use them more in the warmer months while nursing.
- Mittens just get wet from being in baby's mouth.
- Let music play often.
- Bouncers and swings are great. Put baby in one while you shower or do misc chores.
- Mom truly knows best and don't let others tell you otherwise (unless you are asking for advice).
- Move baby to his own crib only when you and baby are ready.
- Do not keep baby in the living room with you until wee hours of morning even if all you want to do is quietly gaze at him in wonder. Baby needs quiet and specific bed for sleeping at night to distinguish between night and day. It is more important for both you and baby to get good restful sleep. You have 18 years to gaze at him sleeping!
- Trust the baby monitor.
- Stick to the same wake time in the morning and same bedtime at night. Naps during the rest of the day will work themselves out.
My recovery:
- I was wearing maxi pads well in to 7w pp (mostly for cushioning - partly for pee). Just stopped wearing pantiliners at 10w pp - still dribble though:(
- Girdles and hip shrinks are not worth it. They are too uncomfortable and hurt too much in the beginning with my stitches.
- Do not have a to do list for your leave. Not worth it to feel guilty over things you didn't accomplish. More important to bond with baby, get sleep, and recover from childbirth!
- Let spouse help with baby care, feeding, even household chores.
- Expect hormones to make you crazy.
- Accept/ask for help.
- Have a freezer full of dinners.
- Take the painkillers if prescribed. Don't be a tough guy or a martyr. They really help.
- Try to get outside daily or at least sit by a window.
- Daily showers do help, but do not feel bad if you skip a day or two here and there.
- Turn off phone, computer, tv and nap when baby naps!!
- Start working out as soon as doc says it's ok but take it easy and don't put too much pressure on yourself.
- No one/thing can get close to my nipples other than Kellen's mouth and my nursing pads that doesn't make me wince in pain.
- I am no longer jealous of women with big boobs. I want my normal ones back!
- Do not get impatient for the first post partum bowel movement and take too many stool softeners!
General Observations:
- Turn down tv volume. Limit amount of time it is on and do not put baby too close - way too stimulating.
- Dog has more grey hair on her snout now:(
- Read baby-care books but keep in mind that nothing happens "by the book" in real life. Do not get upset if things are not going "by the book". If you rely on your own instincts, you and baby will be fine.
- Take forums and google with a grain of salt. Rely on opinions/advice of people you actually know.
- Take as much leave from work as possible.
- Take a lot of pictures and videos.
- Put down the iPhone/iPad and engage with your baby. From day one, he is learning new things (especially your face) and needs your undivided attention.
- Make a small investment in a warm fluffy robe and big slippers for middle of the night and early morning feedings.
- Washable slipcovers on couch are a must. Having a color that matches spitup is a plus.
Friday, January 24, 2014
The first 24 hours postpartum
It is shocking how long it took me to post this! Better late than never....
After all the hustle and bustle associated with delivering Kellen was over, we had time to catch our breath and had some alone time just the 3 of us. I tried to feed him - seemed to go okay but didn't really know what I was doing. There was a nurse shift change just after I delivered Kellen and now the focus was monitoring both baby and I post-delivery. This nurse was very nice but she was kind of a spaz and scatterbrained. No matter though really. She was nice and that's all that really mattered to me. She tried to help with the first nursing session. It was super awkward because she was roughly stuffing a lot of my boob into Kellen's mouth. His mouth was so tiny and my nipple could barely fit in his mouth though so the nurse's efforts didn't really pay off. We just made do with what Kellen could latch on to. It hurt pretty bad though. Outside of that, Kellen was recovering from delivery really well. He was rosy complexioned, was breathing well, and did not complain about anything. He passed his first meconium stool that night if I recall correctly. The majority of the time that we spent with him that day was done with either me or hubby holding Kellen skin-to-skin and letting him get his rest.
After the first feeding, our parents came in to meet their grandson. Kellen is the first grandchild on both sides so there was much anticipation leading up to his birth. They had been in the waiting room all morning and afternoon. I can't imagine how antsy they must of been! Not to mention worried too since they basically didn't hear anything from us for 4+ hours! We had told them to come to the hospital that morning since I was fully dilated and getting ready to push - but little did we know that it would be 3.5 long hours of pushing and 1-2 hours of cleaning/stitching me up after delivery! So our parents came in and there were lots of tears and "awwws" exchanged. Kellen was passed around to each of them and lots of pictures were taken. Thru all that Kellen never made a peep. He had his eyes open briefly but that was all he had the energy for. The nurse came in while they were there to give Kellen a shot of some sort (I'm definitely not one of those mom's who is going to keep a running tally of every shot and pin-prick that her son has ever had - that's what the nurses and doctors are for!). The nurse took the baby and everyone let out a muffled gasp when she seemed to carry him to his bassinet by his neck! Ugh. Kellen seemed fine though. I guess when you are around babies all day you realize that they aren't that fragile after all - but still! Holding him by the most delicate part of his little body did not seem like a good idea. Then the nurse gave him the shot and he let out a high-pitched wail. That was all I could take - get that devil nurse outta here and give my baby back to me! She left soon enough and Kellen was comforted by everyone as he went back to sleep. Our parents left soon after that to let me and hubby get some rest too.
For the first few hours after delivery my attention was focused on everything but my own recovery despite the fact that I was the one who had the most recovering to do. After all the excitement, emotions, and endorphins coursing thru my veins eased up a bit, I realized that I had a long road in front of me. About an hour after delivery I guzzled down a large amount of apple juice. I had not had anything to eat or drink (besides for ice chips) since the day before and this apple juice was the best thing I had ever tasted! The nurse told me to slow down and sure enough 15 minutes later I puked it all up:( I had a pretty severe case of puking and then dry heaving too - but it was over soon enough and was feeling better not long after that. Besides for that, I thought I was recovering ok but was definitely starting to feel the pain of childbirth.
After all the hustle and bustle associated with delivering Kellen was over, we had time to catch our breath and had some alone time just the 3 of us. I tried to feed him - seemed to go okay but didn't really know what I was doing. There was a nurse shift change just after I delivered Kellen and now the focus was monitoring both baby and I post-delivery. This nurse was very nice but she was kind of a spaz and scatterbrained. No matter though really. She was nice and that's all that really mattered to me. She tried to help with the first nursing session. It was super awkward because she was roughly stuffing a lot of my boob into Kellen's mouth. His mouth was so tiny and my nipple could barely fit in his mouth though so the nurse's efforts didn't really pay off. We just made do with what Kellen could latch on to. It hurt pretty bad though. Outside of that, Kellen was recovering from delivery really well. He was rosy complexioned, was breathing well, and did not complain about anything. He passed his first meconium stool that night if I recall correctly. The majority of the time that we spent with him that day was done with either me or hubby holding Kellen skin-to-skin and letting him get his rest.
After the first feeding, our parents came in to meet their grandson. Kellen is the first grandchild on both sides so there was much anticipation leading up to his birth. They had been in the waiting room all morning and afternoon. I can't imagine how antsy they must of been! Not to mention worried too since they basically didn't hear anything from us for 4+ hours! We had told them to come to the hospital that morning since I was fully dilated and getting ready to push - but little did we know that it would be 3.5 long hours of pushing and 1-2 hours of cleaning/stitching me up after delivery! So our parents came in and there were lots of tears and "awwws" exchanged. Kellen was passed around to each of them and lots of pictures were taken. Thru all that Kellen never made a peep. He had his eyes open briefly but that was all he had the energy for. The nurse came in while they were there to give Kellen a shot of some sort (I'm definitely not one of those mom's who is going to keep a running tally of every shot and pin-prick that her son has ever had - that's what the nurses and doctors are for!). The nurse took the baby and everyone let out a muffled gasp when she seemed to carry him to his bassinet by his neck! Ugh. Kellen seemed fine though. I guess when you are around babies all day you realize that they aren't that fragile after all - but still! Holding him by the most delicate part of his little body did not seem like a good idea. Then the nurse gave him the shot and he let out a high-pitched wail. That was all I could take - get that devil nurse outta here and give my baby back to me! She left soon enough and Kellen was comforted by everyone as he went back to sleep. Our parents left soon after that to let me and hubby get some rest too.
For the first few hours after delivery my attention was focused on everything but my own recovery despite the fact that I was the one who had the most recovering to do. After all the excitement, emotions, and endorphins coursing thru my veins eased up a bit, I realized that I had a long road in front of me. About an hour after delivery I guzzled down a large amount of apple juice. I had not had anything to eat or drink (besides for ice chips) since the day before and this apple juice was the best thing I had ever tasted! The nurse told me to slow down and sure enough 15 minutes later I puked it all up:( I had a pretty severe case of puking and then dry heaving too - but it was over soon enough and was feeling better not long after that. Besides for that, I thought I was recovering ok but was definitely starting to feel the pain of childbirth.
A couple hours passed by and I decided I wanted to go to the bathroom. I didn't really have to go - I just had an urge to get out of bed and see what would come out (I had heard some terrible stories about the first bathroom trip - lots of blood, etc). Since I had an epidural, 2 nurses needed to accompany me for my first trip. I called them in, the nurses arrived, fastened a belt around my waist in case my legs wouldn't hold my weight and we started on the 10 foot trip to the bathroom. It went ok. I could feel some gushing of fluid coming out when I initially stood up, but nothing alarming and I had a towel between my legs so I didn't make a mess on the floor. My legs seemed to be ok and while I was really sore, it wasn't too bad. I got on the toilet, peed, and proceeded to clean myself up. I was really bloody down there, but like I said, I was expecting this. The spazy nurse was talking really fast to me - about what I have no idea. I think she was explaining all the steps I had to take to heal the 3rd degree tear on my perineum. She was talking about ice packs, pads, ointment, etc. I wished she would shut up - the sound of her voice was starting to wig me out. I was looking down at my hoohaa still cleaning and I started to see spots, heard ringing and "wha-whaas" in my ears, and started sweating profusely. "Ugghhhh - I think I'm gonna faint..." - then the spazy nurse started really spazing and called in a bunch of other nurses. I don't remember what happened next - just remember my nurse barking orders at the other nurses and somehow I made it back to bed I think in a wheelchair (?). Someone gave me something to sniff along the way and it perked me up a bit. I laid back down, got my IV and blood pressure monitor hooked up again. My blood pressure was really low (surprise surprise) and I started violently shivering. Hubby was rubbing my arms to warm me up and the nurses were piling warm blankets on top of me. They flattened the incline of the bed and tilted my head toward the floor to get blood to flow back to my head. I stayed this way for awhile. Eventually I stopped shaking and started to feel better and was tilted back up. My nurse told me that my near-fainting episode resulted from a combination of lack of sleep, having nothing in my stomach all day, and the amount of energy I exerted during delivery. She said I should take a nap and then eat something - in that order. So I asked her to take Kellen to the nursery so I wouldn't have any distractions and I took a nice long 4 hour nap. When I woke it was 11pm and the nurse wheeled Kellen back in to our room for a midnight snack. Hubby had ordered food while I was sleeping and I ate after I nursed the baby. I was feeling 100% better - almost normal. It's amazing what food and sleep can do for a body. I went back to sleep after that & the nurse got me up every 3 hours during the night to remind me to nurse Kellen.
The next morning brought another nurse shift change. This nurse was nice and she talked to me a lot about healing myself without being so spazy like the nurse before her. She showed me what my routine will be for the next day or 2 - the giant diapers made a comeback and at every trip to the bathroom I was to change out the diaper and the ice pack (this was a baby diaper stuffed with ice chips), squirt warm water on perineum, add tucks medicated wipes to ice pack, squirt epi cream on top of wipes and carefully pull underwear up. I was still wearing the super fashionable fishnet hospital underwear since I was still oozing and didn't want to destroy my own underwear. It was really hard to walk around with all this stuff in my pants - no playing tennis or anything - I was waddling more now than I was when I was pregnant! But anyway this was going to be my routine for the next couple weeks or so too - with the exception of the ice pack. They told me to stop wearing that after 2 days post partum. I also started my pain meds (vicodin I think) and an amped up dose of Aleve. This combo was great at managing my pain. Kellen was still an angel and snoozed most of the day. His pediatrician visited that morning and gave him a clean bill of health. The nurse brought Kellen to the nursery a couple times times for health checks - one of these times the OB did his circumcision which went very well they said.
We tried nursing again too. Every 3 hours was when I would feed him. This was still a challenge coupled with the fact that in the beginning, mothers don't produce much milk anyway - just colostrum which comes out at a rate of 1 tsp per feeding or something like that. So you just can't tell if the baby is getting anything or not. Nursing just really hurt though and for some reason, anything that hurt my nipples also hurt my perineum. Some sort of chain reaction of sorts. Multiple lactation consultants visited throughout my stay at the hospital and they recommended that I use a nipple shield which took my giant nipples which were sort of flat and molded them in to a better shape for Kellen to latch on to but I still didn't have a good grasp on it at all when we left the hospital. They did provide valuable tips and encouragement but they were saying that Kellen might have tongue-tie and was a "lazy eater". Tongue tie is when the cartilage that connects the bottom of the tongue to the mouth is too tight limiting mobility and sometimes prevents the tongue from extending out of the mouth. This causes nursing problems since babies with tongue tie can't generate a very strong suck reflex. It can also lead to speech and eating problems later in life. We said we would get it checked out at Kellen's next doctor appointment. Apparently it is easy to clip the tongue tie.
So this takes me up to the first 24 hours. It's amazing how much happened in those first 24 hours of Kellen's life. For the most part we were still basking in the realization that we were a mother and father FINALLY and we just couldn't get over how beautiful our son was!! We were fools in love again... only this time it was Kellen that we had fallen for:) There is so much more to report of course and I am way behind but I'll try to post it all eventually!
The next morning brought another nurse shift change. This nurse was nice and she talked to me a lot about healing myself without being so spazy like the nurse before her. She showed me what my routine will be for the next day or 2 - the giant diapers made a comeback and at every trip to the bathroom I was to change out the diaper and the ice pack (this was a baby diaper stuffed with ice chips), squirt warm water on perineum, add tucks medicated wipes to ice pack, squirt epi cream on top of wipes and carefully pull underwear up. I was still wearing the super fashionable fishnet hospital underwear since I was still oozing and didn't want to destroy my own underwear. It was really hard to walk around with all this stuff in my pants - no playing tennis or anything - I was waddling more now than I was when I was pregnant! But anyway this was going to be my routine for the next couple weeks or so too - with the exception of the ice pack. They told me to stop wearing that after 2 days post partum. I also started my pain meds (vicodin I think) and an amped up dose of Aleve. This combo was great at managing my pain. Kellen was still an angel and snoozed most of the day. His pediatrician visited that morning and gave him a clean bill of health. The nurse brought Kellen to the nursery a couple times times for health checks - one of these times the OB did his circumcision which went very well they said.
We tried nursing again too. Every 3 hours was when I would feed him. This was still a challenge coupled with the fact that in the beginning, mothers don't produce much milk anyway - just colostrum which comes out at a rate of 1 tsp per feeding or something like that. So you just can't tell if the baby is getting anything or not. Nursing just really hurt though and for some reason, anything that hurt my nipples also hurt my perineum. Some sort of chain reaction of sorts. Multiple lactation consultants visited throughout my stay at the hospital and they recommended that I use a nipple shield which took my giant nipples which were sort of flat and molded them in to a better shape for Kellen to latch on to but I still didn't have a good grasp on it at all when we left the hospital. They did provide valuable tips and encouragement but they were saying that Kellen might have tongue-tie and was a "lazy eater". Tongue tie is when the cartilage that connects the bottom of the tongue to the mouth is too tight limiting mobility and sometimes prevents the tongue from extending out of the mouth. This causes nursing problems since babies with tongue tie can't generate a very strong suck reflex. It can also lead to speech and eating problems later in life. We said we would get it checked out at Kellen's next doctor appointment. Apparently it is easy to clip the tongue tie.
So this takes me up to the first 24 hours. It's amazing how much happened in those first 24 hours of Kellen's life. For the most part we were still basking in the realization that we were a mother and father FINALLY and we just couldn't get over how beautiful our son was!! We were fools in love again... only this time it was Kellen that we had fallen for:) There is so much more to report of course and I am way behind but I'll try to post it all eventually!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Kellen's Birth Story
Whew! What a whirlwind the last 4 weeks have been! It seems like ages ago that I was pregnant - but at the same time, it still seems like just yesterday when it was just me, hubby, the dog & cat. It's amazing how such a small little human can affect so many things in life. And it's amazing how things that once were important (ie: getting a good night's sleep, eating regular meals, bathing) have become not so important and impossible to do. We have been getting by with our freezer stocked full of yummy meals (thanks to my awesome sister and dad who cooked it all!) and taking catnaps both during the night and during the day. I have had a harder time with taking catnaps though. Now that I am finally able to move without my feet and pubic bone throbbing, I cannot seem to sit down. Granted there is a lot more to do now even without considering taking care of the baby - dishes, laundry, etc. but I could easily make hubby do these things. Oh well, the novelty of being able to move again will wear off soon hopefully and I'll be able to force myself to relax more.
Anyway, more about our life has changed will be later. My goal for this post is to tell our birth story. I have been trying to do this for 4 weeks now but I rarely have 2 hands that are free anymore. If they are free, I am napping. So here goes!
Anyway, more about our life has changed will be later. My goal for this post is to tell our birth story. I have been trying to do this for 4 weeks now but I rarely have 2 hands that are free anymore. If they are free, I am napping. So here goes!
On Wednesday, October 30th I went in for my 39 week OB check. I was 39 weeks 4 days. It was just as disappointing as the ones in prior weeks. Absolutely no action down there! Cervix could not even be reached it was still so high. My doctor said that it was highly likely that I will still be pregnant beyond my due date and so we discussed what our game plan will be the next week. Since my due date was that Saturday (November 2nd), OB wanted to schedule another weight check u/s, do a non-stress test for the baby, and another cervix check and discussion of the NST and u/s on Monday morning. I would be at the OB office for about 3 hours that morning. Ugh! I was discouraged because I knew the longer he stayed in there, the more likely it would be that I'd need a c-section. Plus I was just impatient in general. I really really wanted to meet him!! So I went home, told my hubby about my appointment and did a couple hours of work.
On Wednesdays I volunteer at this school where I help 3rd graders with their reading during lunch. I went to that at 11am. We have to sit in standard school chairs for the tutoring which are very hard and uncomfortable even for someone who is not 9 months pregnant. With my belly as big as it was, I had to sit on the chair while having my legs spread eagle, straddling the chair basically. So I was sitting like that - directly on my bladder. Tutoring lasted 1 hour and when I stood up to leave at noon, I suddenly felt like I was peeing my pants! I doubled over and that seemed to stop the flow. My regular pee-stopping muscles didn't seem to be working at the moment. I thought that it was the way that I had been sitting that caused a temporary loss of bladder control. So I ran to the bathroom where I thought I peed some more. I washed myself up somewhat (thankfully I was wearing all black that day so the pee spot could not be seen) and made it back to my car and back home incident-free.
Once home, hubby asked me how tutoring went. I said "fine, but I peed my pants!" He said "are you sure it wasn't your water breaking?!" At the time that possibility really hadn't occurred to me because of how my appointment went just a couple hours ago. But as I walked up the stairs to change my underwear and pants, I started peeing again! Then I thought - ok this is weird. Either I have REALLY bad incontinence or this is my water. I cleaned myself up, changed my clothes, and put on a monster maxi just in case I had another incident. Hubby said I should call my doctor but I decided to give it a couple hours to see if it continued before calling. I still had some things to wrap up at work, wanted to eat lunch, etc. and still wasn't convinced it was my water.
So an hour or two passed. Wrapped things up at work & ate lunch. While preparing lunch, I was "peeing" in a slow trickle the entire time. It would stop whenever I would sit/lie down. So after doing some googling and asking some friends, I decided to call my OB. They wanted me in right away to check me but said if it was my water, they wouldn't let me leave to go get my bag at home. Ugh! I was packed but not totally and there were things I wanted to take care of around the house before leaving. I asked if I could go in an hour and they said that was fine. So hubby wrapped up things at work, I notified my coworkers that I was going to be offline the rest of the day and we started getting the car packed.
Due to the time constraint that we were under, my initial plan of taking a leisurely walk with the dog while hubby loaded the car was foiled and instead the dog caught wind of our inevitable departure which made her start to freak out. I was not of sound mind either so that was not helping anything. The dog was making me upset and she was following me EVERYWHERE making me feel really guilty. Thank God I made a "go-time list" a couple days ago of last minute items to pack and things to do around the house before we left for the hospital. Even with that list though it was such an ordeal getting ready. I kept wandering aimlessly around the house and was peeing the ENTIRE time that I was packing! Even though I had put on a monster maxi pad, I was still compelled to take frequent potty breaks. By the time we were ready to go, all 3 of our toilets were really starting to act flaky - like they were exhausted from all the frequent flushing. At one point I just stopped flushing the toilets because I knew I would be back in a minute. LOL! I was pissed that I had to pack like this and was still thinking that it was just my bladder. Hubby was laughing at me the whole time - he knew it was my water from the start. I had envisioned contractions starting and packing the remaining items in a leisurely manner with occasional pauses and massages from hubby to get thru contractions. Not being able to take the dog for a walk really upset me. I felt like I needed that walk as much as the dog did. I was worried about how she would be after we left without her. Suitcases going into the car always mean that either she will be going to puppy daycare or coming along with us. Not this time though. And she could sense that I was not of sound state of mind with all my running around and going to the bathroom every 3 minutes. Thru it all though - no sign whatsoever of a contraction. Lucky me.
So finally we were ready to go. I should have taken a picture of the car when we left. It looked like we were off for a 2 week vacation in Mexico - not a 2-3 day stay in a hospital 10 minutes away. We get in the car, I was on the brink of tears from the anxiety and range of emotions I was feeling - much less having to listen to our dog crying when we left without her was almost too much. Hubby said that he would come back to check on her if we had to stay at the hospital. That made me feel a bit better and we started on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. It was a surreal making the trip. There was no traffic but it was a very gloomy, foggy afternoon. The trip we had been preparing for for 9 months was finally here! And the journey that we started on 3.5 years ago was finally coming to a happy ending! I was beginning to realize that my water had indeed broken and I'd be a mother soon. It was an exciting thought but also a scary one. Thoughts of self-doubt were racing thru my mind - would I be able to get thru labor, could I handle a newborn, how would breastfeeding go, would the baby be okay, what would he be like? But there was no turning back now! We were having this baby regardless.
We got to the hospital in one piece thanks to hubby's careful driving - had I been driving we no doubt would've ended up in a ditch! We skipped the valet parking since I didn't have any contractions and just parked ourselves. I checked in with my OB's office and was in the exam room in a couple minutes. The nurse who greeted me exclaimed about how much I had dropped since this morning. I couldn't feel it - all I could feel was the uncomfortable warmth that was in my underwear thanks to my peeing or amniotic fluid. The doctor sees me, does a swab test of the fluid and tested the acidity. Blue means amniotic fluid and the swab was so blue it was black. So sure enough, this was it! Another wave of emotion hit me but it was cut short by a feeling of panic since I realized that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime and it was nearly dinnertime. I knew once admitted to labor and delivery, they would not let me eat. So I told hubby to go get me something to eat at the cafeteria. Meanwhile, they got the check in process started. My OB said that I definitely had dropped, water was broken, but no contractions had started and still was not dilated - so that meant that I would be induced with pitocin. That was fine with me but I knew that just increased my odds of a c-section. I trusted my doctor though and knew that she would do whatever was in the best interests of the baby and me. Since my water did break, we had a 24 hour window starting from the point when I started leaking (at noon that day) that we had to deliver the baby before the risk of infection to the baby would increase. So at least I knew that labor would not last longer than noon the next day!
Hubby got back with a big greasy burger and a huge slice of greasy pizza. Ugh - I was not thrilled with that but he was thinking that I'd want something bad for my last meal before becoming a mother. I guess that made sense. But I should have specified that I wanted something a bit healthier with good carbs to give me energy to get thru the next 18 hours. Plus, I knew that whatever I ate might end up on the delivery table a short time later once I started pushing! But oh well, I didn't complain - I chose the pizza and I have to admit, it was delicious.
After eating we were shown to our room and were introduced to the nurses who would be taking care of me for the next couple hours. The doctor on call for the night came in to say "hi" and went over some things regarding the pitocin. They were going to start the drip at 7-7:30pm and were going to increase the amount gradually so things wouldn't move too fast, stressing out the baby, and forcing me to have a c-section. I got hooked up to all the monitors. One to monitor the contractions and the other to monitor the heartrate of the baby. By the way, before getting hooked up to these monitors, tell the nurses that you want a minute to wash up. I had all my makeup on from that morning still and it's my nighttime ritual to brush my teeth and wash my face so I don't feel like a total scuz bucket in the morning. I wasn't thinking though and when I asked a couple hours later to let me wash my face, etc for 5 minutes it was kind of an ordeal because the monitors kept throwing alarms and such. Really annoying! I would have preferred to not be hooked up like that at all until it was absolutely necessary but since I was being induced, my contractions and the baby had to be monitored at all times. Anyway - at this point hubby went home to check on the dog and feed her dinner so he could get back in time before the action started. It was storming that night so I was pretty nervous when he left, envisioning him getting into an accident or something and not being there for the birth of his son. LOL. He came back within an hour though and reported that all was well with the dog - she ate and went potty but was still upset. She would be good though until my mom came the following morning (she was going to stay at our house while we were in the hospital to keep an eye on things and watch the dog). By then they had inserted the IV with the pitocin and I was starting to finally feel mild contractions. They weren't bad at all and I thought "this is going to be easy. I've got this!". Little did I know...
Fast forward a couple hours, it was now 2 am. The nurses had changed shifts twice. Up until this point I was handling the contractions ok. There was one point where it got bad but I pushed thru it and they got easier. Hubby had been helping me breathe thru them too but I got annoyed with him and told him to go do something else. He had some work emails to address and fantasy football stuff to obsess over so he sat in the lazy boy next to my bed for awhile. At about midnight I told him that he might as well go to bed so he would be fresh whenever it was time to help me push - I DID want him around for that. So he retreated to the "man-cave" part of the maternity suite and went to bed. So anyway, it was 2 am and the contractions were getting BAD! I also forgot to mention that thru all of this I was still leaking amniotic fluid which required me to wear a diaper so I didn't have to have the nurse change my sheets every half hour. It was so uncomfortable just lying there "peeing" in my pants continuously. I was uncomfortable in general as well. The hospital bed was barely one step up from a worn out futon bed. My tailbone was constantly throbbing due to some sort of rod or lump that was right where I was sitting/laying. I had 5-6 hospital pillows that did not provide any support. Next time I am bringing my own. I did actually bring my pillows but didn't want to use them in case they got all nasty. A valid point - but next time I will be prepared and will have pillow protectors over them that I'll just throw away once the nastiness is over. The hospital gown that I was in was terrible un-sexy and had to be open in the back. Nothing like having the nurse roll you over with your backside toward your husband and having him see you with your diaper on and all! And after awhile they gave me these giant fishnet-type undies to wear over my diaper to keep it on. Now that was even sexier! LOL! So I keep on going off on tangents - anyway, it was 2 am and contractions were bad. The nurse came in to check my cervix (she had done this a couple hours ago as well - I was only 1.5 cm dilated). After all the terrible contractions I was still only 1.5 cm!! UGH! And now the baby was starting to display signs of distress. Nothing too terrible but enough to make the nurse tell me to lay on one side and stay there. So the contractions sucked, and all I could do was breathe thru them without moving or tensing up. Hubby was still sleeping (I did tell him to go to sleep - but I was beginning to regret it and was thinking of getting him up) and I was getting mad at him for being able to sleep. I should be the one sleeping - I'm doing all the work here!! And I'm nowhere near to the halfway point yet with my stupid cervix being dilated only 1.5 cm! I've got 10 more hours to get this baby out and at this rate I will surely need a c-section. Ugh! So finally I threw in the towel and told the nurse it was time for me to get an epidural. I had no intention of doing this without drugs anyway so why postpone the inevitable. I needed to try to get some sort of rest and the contractions were really not fun. They felt like your worst menstrual cramps ever multiplied by 1000. Really painful! At least I could say that I felt the pain of childbirth - I was now part of the club. Lol. The nurse called the anesthesiologist and I was set up with my epidural pronto. Getting the epi was a piece of cake. There was some mild pinching but I barely felt it since I was having a contraction at the time - so the pinching actually felt good in comparison. After 10 minutes my legs were numb - like they were asleep - and I did not feel my contractions anymore. Sigh of relief!!
My hubby woke up when they were giving me the epi and stayed up for a bit after. I was not in pain anymore so I no longer resented the fact that he had been sleeping that whole time. Lol. The next hour was uneventful but then my blood pressure started to get too low. So the nurse was in my room a lot monitoring me and having me switch the side I was laying on a lot. So unfortunately I didn't get too much sleep. She checked my cervix again and I was up to 6 cm! Just a couple hours earlier I was still at 1.5 cm. This was great! Goes to show what your body can do if you just relax. But this blood pressure thing was not getting any better. In order to stabilize it I had to lay on my right side which caused the baby's heartrate to drop so it was a constant back and forth type of thing - laying on my right side bringing my blood pressure back up then rolling to my left to bring the baby's heartrate back up and repeating. After awhile the nurse told me I had to wear an oxygen mask so I would get more oxygen and thus the baby would benefit and maybe his heartrate would stabilize. So now I had one more thing to deal with that was uncomfortable. This mask seemed to have been made for Mr. Potatohead too or for someone with an equally large and oddly shaped head. Plus, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air with this mask on. You'd think it would be the opposite given that it was an oxygen mask and all. Oh well. Baby seemed to like when I had it on though so it was all fine with me.
By now it was morning and it was time for the nurses to have another shift change. I do have to say that despite the terrible bed, pillows, diaper, constant rolling around, etc., the nurses were great. I did not have one nurse who I didn't like. Sometimes the nurse had a "protege" or a nurse in training with them who sometimes annoyed me - one of them tried to give me my IV and ended up poking me all over my arm and hand trying to find a vein only to give up and let the actual nurse do it with ease. But that was it. The experience could have been much worse if I had nasty nurses. This last set of nurses were amazing though. They checked my cervix not long after the shift change and said that I was fully dilated! Yeehaw!! I think it was around 9am maybe, not sure. But my actual OB was going to be back on her shift at 11am so the nurses turned off/down the pitocin to slow me down so I could start pushing under her supervision - which was GREAT! I was so excited that I wouldn't be in the hands of a stranger. I'm sure the OB on call was just as capable but I simply was more comfortable with my own doctor and knew that she would try really hard to avoid a c-section.
The road was somewhat rocky though between 9 and 11. My nurses came in to roll me again and suddenly alarms were being thrown and they started flipping out! One of them said "Whoa - baby did not like that! You need to get on your hands and knees NOW!" Okaaayyy. What the hell happened?? I slowly got to my hands and knees which was very awkward. The nurses were flying around the room - one was on the phone with my OB, the other was frantically getting an incubator for the baby set up and other items for delivery ready. That's what my hubby woke up to. Me with my bare ass up in the air facing him! I screamed at him to get up by my head cuz he was just sitting there staring with this look of shock on his face. "Please - I don't want you looking at me from that angle!" One of the nurses stuffed the oxygen mask over my mouth and said I had to breathe deep because baby was not happy. I reluctantly obliged. I was still worked up over my hubby seeing my huge diapered ass covered by white fish-net underwear and my hair was all over the place. I couldn't see and it was in my mouth. I remember practically inhaling it. Hubby got me a headband to keep it under control and finally came up to my head. After 5-10 minutes or so things began to stabilize and the nurses had me turn back over. I don't know what prompted baby to get so unhappy but I think that something went flaky with the sensor that was monitoring the baby's heartrate. So not long after that they positioned a sensor on baby's head to monitor him directly thus getting a more accurate picture of how he was doing.
At around 11:30am my doctor came in and said I was ready to start pushing. We were only 1/2 hour away from the point where my water broke 24 hours earlier but she said that we'd see how me and the baby would do before making a call for a c-section. Yay! I was eager to get going. The nurses gave me a crash course on how to push. When I felt a contraction coming on I was to take a deep breath in, hubby and one of the other nurses would hold up my calves, I was to put my hands behind my knees and bear down bringing my chin to my chest. Then I would hold my breath for a count of 10, pushing with all my strength like I was having a bowel movement. After the count of 10 I would exhale quickly, inhale then repeat the sequence 2 more times for a total of 3 sets of pushing. It took a couple times to get the hang of it. I still had my epidural so I could not tell sometimes if I was really pushing or not. I could still feel when a contraction was coming though. It was not painful of course - but there was a feeling of pressure and an urge to push. After I got the hang of it though pushing was actually enjoyable. I could not feel any pain and felt like I was finally able to contribute to getting this baby out in to the world. The need to meet him was incredibly intense and it translated in to my pushing. The nurses said after awhile that with the strength of my pushes, any other baby would have popped out by now. Not our baby of course though! His head was not incredibly large and my pelvis was not too small. He was positioned well - but that's just the way things happened to be for me I guess.
Noon quickly came and went. An hour passed. Then 2, then 3 hours. I was exhausted. After one pushing session I started dry heaving. Hubby said afterward that there were some pushes in there where my face turned purple. I was operating on ice chips and 1 slice of greasy pizza eaten more than 18 hours ago. I didn't complain though - I was so numb from pushing that I really didn't feel exhausted anymore. The epi was still doing it's job and I could not feel pain - still just the urge to push. The nurses would check every so often where baby's head was. They always said that progress was being made - but I think they were just trying to be encouraging. Hubby was a great coach and cheerleader, holding one of my legs, doing the counts of 10 and keeping me focused. My OB would step in every 15 minutes or so to check on things - always said I was doing great. But at around 2:30 she came in and said we were reaching the point where intervention had to be made. Baby was still ok but I was going on 3 hours pushing and we were way past the 24 hour window for labor since my water broke the day before. She said that she wanted to try to use forceps to get baby's head out. I said that was fine just get him out! She said that if forceps didn't work, a c-section would be necessary. UGH!! Then all my pushing would be for nothing and I'd have to recover from 2 traumas essentially!! So we gave our consent and she said I could rest a couple minutes while preparations were being made.
The nurses got on the phone and said a bunch of stuff about being ready for delivery and suddenly there were 20 people crowded in our room. I have no idea who they all were. All I know is that there was a nurse for the baby, my OB, and my nurses. Seemed like the others were just there to watch? Like I said - no idea. Anyway, OB was ready and these powerful, garish lights in the ceiling come on and lit up my lady parts. There was a white board just opposite of my footboard for nurses to write notes on and stuff. Once those lights went on, the board picked up the reflection from somewhere and I could see my junk clear as day! I got pissed cuz I thought someone put a mirror there. Lol. One of the nurses got a towel to quickly cover it up and the crisis was averted. OB told me that she was ready with the forceps positioned and I could start pushing at the next contraction. I felt one come on and I gave it my all. Every ounce of strength I had left went in to that push and it worked! OB said "he's out - stop pushing!" I didn't really feel anything - maybe some pressure was relieved but it wasn't immediate. Hubby was going nuts with joy then cuz he took a peek at him - "oh my god - he's beautiful!!" OB directed the rest of my pushes then - I think just 1 maybe 2 smaller pushes and his body was out and Kellen was placed on my chest. He was a bloody mess but oh my God - he was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen! He let out a single little wail, quieted down and opened his eyes and looked at hubby and me. OB gave hubby scissors to cut the cord and reported that the cord had been slightly wrapped around baby's neck - hence the heartrate issues. She said it is quite common. Kellen spent a couple minutes on my chest with us gazing at each other in exhausted disbelief. I just couldn't believe it. I was a mother!
They took Kellen to get cleaned up then and do the newborn screening (this was all done right in the room with us). Hubby went over to supervise while my doctor delivered the placenta and cleaned me up. I asked her if I tore and she said that I had - 3rd degree. She gave an explanation as to why I had tore that much - something to do with forceps being used and me pushing really hard. But I didn't even care. I was just in such a state of euphoria! Hubby was with Kellen. The nurses thought it was really cute that he (hubby) was so emotional. He was definitely crying. I was crying as well - but not as much... lol. My hubby has always worn his heart on his sleeve:) Kellen passed the screening with flying colors, he got all cleaned up, and they handed him back to me. After my OB had me stitched up they were going to have me try to nurse Kellen but for the time being he rested on my bare chest under the blanket. There is nothing in this world that is better than being skin to skin with your newborn. Hearing his adorable baby grunts and moans, feeling him relax as he seemed to melt into my skin, stroking his baby soft skin and inspecting all those cute fingers and toes - there are no words to describe how I felt at that moment and started tearing up again as I started to reflect on how hard we fought to conceive this little guy. All the pain of pregnancy and childbirth was so worth it!
There is more to the birth story than this but it has more to do with my recovery rather than Kellen's birth. So I will post in the days that follow more about what our recovery was like. We are all doing well with recovery though and adjusting to this new addition to our lives. It's unreal that we will be celebrating Kellen's 1 month birthday in a couple days!
Due to the time constraint that we were under, my initial plan of taking a leisurely walk with the dog while hubby loaded the car was foiled and instead the dog caught wind of our inevitable departure which made her start to freak out. I was not of sound mind either so that was not helping anything. The dog was making me upset and she was following me EVERYWHERE making me feel really guilty. Thank God I made a "go-time list" a couple days ago of last minute items to pack and things to do around the house before we left for the hospital. Even with that list though it was such an ordeal getting ready. I kept wandering aimlessly around the house and was peeing the ENTIRE time that I was packing! Even though I had put on a monster maxi pad, I was still compelled to take frequent potty breaks. By the time we were ready to go, all 3 of our toilets were really starting to act flaky - like they were exhausted from all the frequent flushing. At one point I just stopped flushing the toilets because I knew I would be back in a minute. LOL! I was pissed that I had to pack like this and was still thinking that it was just my bladder. Hubby was laughing at me the whole time - he knew it was my water from the start. I had envisioned contractions starting and packing the remaining items in a leisurely manner with occasional pauses and massages from hubby to get thru contractions. Not being able to take the dog for a walk really upset me. I felt like I needed that walk as much as the dog did. I was worried about how she would be after we left without her. Suitcases going into the car always mean that either she will be going to puppy daycare or coming along with us. Not this time though. And she could sense that I was not of sound state of mind with all my running around and going to the bathroom every 3 minutes. Thru it all though - no sign whatsoever of a contraction. Lucky me.
So finally we were ready to go. I should have taken a picture of the car when we left. It looked like we were off for a 2 week vacation in Mexico - not a 2-3 day stay in a hospital 10 minutes away. We get in the car, I was on the brink of tears from the anxiety and range of emotions I was feeling - much less having to listen to our dog crying when we left without her was almost too much. Hubby said that he would come back to check on her if we had to stay at the hospital. That made me feel a bit better and we started on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. It was a surreal making the trip. There was no traffic but it was a very gloomy, foggy afternoon. The trip we had been preparing for for 9 months was finally here! And the journey that we started on 3.5 years ago was finally coming to a happy ending! I was beginning to realize that my water had indeed broken and I'd be a mother soon. It was an exciting thought but also a scary one. Thoughts of self-doubt were racing thru my mind - would I be able to get thru labor, could I handle a newborn, how would breastfeeding go, would the baby be okay, what would he be like? But there was no turning back now! We were having this baby regardless.
We got to the hospital in one piece thanks to hubby's careful driving - had I been driving we no doubt would've ended up in a ditch! We skipped the valet parking since I didn't have any contractions and just parked ourselves. I checked in with my OB's office and was in the exam room in a couple minutes. The nurse who greeted me exclaimed about how much I had dropped since this morning. I couldn't feel it - all I could feel was the uncomfortable warmth that was in my underwear thanks to my peeing or amniotic fluid. The doctor sees me, does a swab test of the fluid and tested the acidity. Blue means amniotic fluid and the swab was so blue it was black. So sure enough, this was it! Another wave of emotion hit me but it was cut short by a feeling of panic since I realized that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime and it was nearly dinnertime. I knew once admitted to labor and delivery, they would not let me eat. So I told hubby to go get me something to eat at the cafeteria. Meanwhile, they got the check in process started. My OB said that I definitely had dropped, water was broken, but no contractions had started and still was not dilated - so that meant that I would be induced with pitocin. That was fine with me but I knew that just increased my odds of a c-section. I trusted my doctor though and knew that she would do whatever was in the best interests of the baby and me. Since my water did break, we had a 24 hour window starting from the point when I started leaking (at noon that day) that we had to deliver the baby before the risk of infection to the baby would increase. So at least I knew that labor would not last longer than noon the next day!
Hubby got back with a big greasy burger and a huge slice of greasy pizza. Ugh - I was not thrilled with that but he was thinking that I'd want something bad for my last meal before becoming a mother. I guess that made sense. But I should have specified that I wanted something a bit healthier with good carbs to give me energy to get thru the next 18 hours. Plus, I knew that whatever I ate might end up on the delivery table a short time later once I started pushing! But oh well, I didn't complain - I chose the pizza and I have to admit, it was delicious.
After eating we were shown to our room and were introduced to the nurses who would be taking care of me for the next couple hours. The doctor on call for the night came in to say "hi" and went over some things regarding the pitocin. They were going to start the drip at 7-7:30pm and were going to increase the amount gradually so things wouldn't move too fast, stressing out the baby, and forcing me to have a c-section. I got hooked up to all the monitors. One to monitor the contractions and the other to monitor the heartrate of the baby. By the way, before getting hooked up to these monitors, tell the nurses that you want a minute to wash up. I had all my makeup on from that morning still and it's my nighttime ritual to brush my teeth and wash my face so I don't feel like a total scuz bucket in the morning. I wasn't thinking though and when I asked a couple hours later to let me wash my face, etc for 5 minutes it was kind of an ordeal because the monitors kept throwing alarms and such. Really annoying! I would have preferred to not be hooked up like that at all until it was absolutely necessary but since I was being induced, my contractions and the baby had to be monitored at all times. Anyway - at this point hubby went home to check on the dog and feed her dinner so he could get back in time before the action started. It was storming that night so I was pretty nervous when he left, envisioning him getting into an accident or something and not being there for the birth of his son. LOL. He came back within an hour though and reported that all was well with the dog - she ate and went potty but was still upset. She would be good though until my mom came the following morning (she was going to stay at our house while we were in the hospital to keep an eye on things and watch the dog). By then they had inserted the IV with the pitocin and I was starting to finally feel mild contractions. They weren't bad at all and I thought "this is going to be easy. I've got this!". Little did I know...
Fast forward a couple hours, it was now 2 am. The nurses had changed shifts twice. Up until this point I was handling the contractions ok. There was one point where it got bad but I pushed thru it and they got easier. Hubby had been helping me breathe thru them too but I got annoyed with him and told him to go do something else. He had some work emails to address and fantasy football stuff to obsess over so he sat in the lazy boy next to my bed for awhile. At about midnight I told him that he might as well go to bed so he would be fresh whenever it was time to help me push - I DID want him around for that. So he retreated to the "man-cave" part of the maternity suite and went to bed. So anyway, it was 2 am and the contractions were getting BAD! I also forgot to mention that thru all of this I was still leaking amniotic fluid which required me to wear a diaper so I didn't have to have the nurse change my sheets every half hour. It was so uncomfortable just lying there "peeing" in my pants continuously. I was uncomfortable in general as well. The hospital bed was barely one step up from a worn out futon bed. My tailbone was constantly throbbing due to some sort of rod or lump that was right where I was sitting/laying. I had 5-6 hospital pillows that did not provide any support. Next time I am bringing my own. I did actually bring my pillows but didn't want to use them in case they got all nasty. A valid point - but next time I will be prepared and will have pillow protectors over them that I'll just throw away once the nastiness is over. The hospital gown that I was in was terrible un-sexy and had to be open in the back. Nothing like having the nurse roll you over with your backside toward your husband and having him see you with your diaper on and all! And after awhile they gave me these giant fishnet-type undies to wear over my diaper to keep it on. Now that was even sexier! LOL! So I keep on going off on tangents - anyway, it was 2 am and contractions were bad. The nurse came in to check my cervix (she had done this a couple hours ago as well - I was only 1.5 cm dilated). After all the terrible contractions I was still only 1.5 cm!! UGH! And now the baby was starting to display signs of distress. Nothing too terrible but enough to make the nurse tell me to lay on one side and stay there. So the contractions sucked, and all I could do was breathe thru them without moving or tensing up. Hubby was still sleeping (I did tell him to go to sleep - but I was beginning to regret it and was thinking of getting him up) and I was getting mad at him for being able to sleep. I should be the one sleeping - I'm doing all the work here!! And I'm nowhere near to the halfway point yet with my stupid cervix being dilated only 1.5 cm! I've got 10 more hours to get this baby out and at this rate I will surely need a c-section. Ugh! So finally I threw in the towel and told the nurse it was time for me to get an epidural. I had no intention of doing this without drugs anyway so why postpone the inevitable. I needed to try to get some sort of rest and the contractions were really not fun. They felt like your worst menstrual cramps ever multiplied by 1000. Really painful! At least I could say that I felt the pain of childbirth - I was now part of the club. Lol. The nurse called the anesthesiologist and I was set up with my epidural pronto. Getting the epi was a piece of cake. There was some mild pinching but I barely felt it since I was having a contraction at the time - so the pinching actually felt good in comparison. After 10 minutes my legs were numb - like they were asleep - and I did not feel my contractions anymore. Sigh of relief!!
My hubby woke up when they were giving me the epi and stayed up for a bit after. I was not in pain anymore so I no longer resented the fact that he had been sleeping that whole time. Lol. The next hour was uneventful but then my blood pressure started to get too low. So the nurse was in my room a lot monitoring me and having me switch the side I was laying on a lot. So unfortunately I didn't get too much sleep. She checked my cervix again and I was up to 6 cm! Just a couple hours earlier I was still at 1.5 cm. This was great! Goes to show what your body can do if you just relax. But this blood pressure thing was not getting any better. In order to stabilize it I had to lay on my right side which caused the baby's heartrate to drop so it was a constant back and forth type of thing - laying on my right side bringing my blood pressure back up then rolling to my left to bring the baby's heartrate back up and repeating. After awhile the nurse told me I had to wear an oxygen mask so I would get more oxygen and thus the baby would benefit and maybe his heartrate would stabilize. So now I had one more thing to deal with that was uncomfortable. This mask seemed to have been made for Mr. Potatohead too or for someone with an equally large and oddly shaped head. Plus, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air with this mask on. You'd think it would be the opposite given that it was an oxygen mask and all. Oh well. Baby seemed to like when I had it on though so it was all fine with me.
By now it was morning and it was time for the nurses to have another shift change. I do have to say that despite the terrible bed, pillows, diaper, constant rolling around, etc., the nurses were great. I did not have one nurse who I didn't like. Sometimes the nurse had a "protege" or a nurse in training with them who sometimes annoyed me - one of them tried to give me my IV and ended up poking me all over my arm and hand trying to find a vein only to give up and let the actual nurse do it with ease. But that was it. The experience could have been much worse if I had nasty nurses. This last set of nurses were amazing though. They checked my cervix not long after the shift change and said that I was fully dilated! Yeehaw!! I think it was around 9am maybe, not sure. But my actual OB was going to be back on her shift at 11am so the nurses turned off/down the pitocin to slow me down so I could start pushing under her supervision - which was GREAT! I was so excited that I wouldn't be in the hands of a stranger. I'm sure the OB on call was just as capable but I simply was more comfortable with my own doctor and knew that she would try really hard to avoid a c-section.
The road was somewhat rocky though between 9 and 11. My nurses came in to roll me again and suddenly alarms were being thrown and they started flipping out! One of them said "Whoa - baby did not like that! You need to get on your hands and knees NOW!" Okaaayyy. What the hell happened?? I slowly got to my hands and knees which was very awkward. The nurses were flying around the room - one was on the phone with my OB, the other was frantically getting an incubator for the baby set up and other items for delivery ready. That's what my hubby woke up to. Me with my bare ass up in the air facing him! I screamed at him to get up by my head cuz he was just sitting there staring with this look of shock on his face. "Please - I don't want you looking at me from that angle!" One of the nurses stuffed the oxygen mask over my mouth and said I had to breathe deep because baby was not happy. I reluctantly obliged. I was still worked up over my hubby seeing my huge diapered ass covered by white fish-net underwear and my hair was all over the place. I couldn't see and it was in my mouth. I remember practically inhaling it. Hubby got me a headband to keep it under control and finally came up to my head. After 5-10 minutes or so things began to stabilize and the nurses had me turn back over. I don't know what prompted baby to get so unhappy but I think that something went flaky with the sensor that was monitoring the baby's heartrate. So not long after that they positioned a sensor on baby's head to monitor him directly thus getting a more accurate picture of how he was doing.
At around 11:30am my doctor came in and said I was ready to start pushing. We were only 1/2 hour away from the point where my water broke 24 hours earlier but she said that we'd see how me and the baby would do before making a call for a c-section. Yay! I was eager to get going. The nurses gave me a crash course on how to push. When I felt a contraction coming on I was to take a deep breath in, hubby and one of the other nurses would hold up my calves, I was to put my hands behind my knees and bear down bringing my chin to my chest. Then I would hold my breath for a count of 10, pushing with all my strength like I was having a bowel movement. After the count of 10 I would exhale quickly, inhale then repeat the sequence 2 more times for a total of 3 sets of pushing. It took a couple times to get the hang of it. I still had my epidural so I could not tell sometimes if I was really pushing or not. I could still feel when a contraction was coming though. It was not painful of course - but there was a feeling of pressure and an urge to push. After I got the hang of it though pushing was actually enjoyable. I could not feel any pain and felt like I was finally able to contribute to getting this baby out in to the world. The need to meet him was incredibly intense and it translated in to my pushing. The nurses said after awhile that with the strength of my pushes, any other baby would have popped out by now. Not our baby of course though! His head was not incredibly large and my pelvis was not too small. He was positioned well - but that's just the way things happened to be for me I guess.
Noon quickly came and went. An hour passed. Then 2, then 3 hours. I was exhausted. After one pushing session I started dry heaving. Hubby said afterward that there were some pushes in there where my face turned purple. I was operating on ice chips and 1 slice of greasy pizza eaten more than 18 hours ago. I didn't complain though - I was so numb from pushing that I really didn't feel exhausted anymore. The epi was still doing it's job and I could not feel pain - still just the urge to push. The nurses would check every so often where baby's head was. They always said that progress was being made - but I think they were just trying to be encouraging. Hubby was a great coach and cheerleader, holding one of my legs, doing the counts of 10 and keeping me focused. My OB would step in every 15 minutes or so to check on things - always said I was doing great. But at around 2:30 she came in and said we were reaching the point where intervention had to be made. Baby was still ok but I was going on 3 hours pushing and we were way past the 24 hour window for labor since my water broke the day before. She said that she wanted to try to use forceps to get baby's head out. I said that was fine just get him out! She said that if forceps didn't work, a c-section would be necessary. UGH!! Then all my pushing would be for nothing and I'd have to recover from 2 traumas essentially!! So we gave our consent and she said I could rest a couple minutes while preparations were being made.
The nurses got on the phone and said a bunch of stuff about being ready for delivery and suddenly there were 20 people crowded in our room. I have no idea who they all were. All I know is that there was a nurse for the baby, my OB, and my nurses. Seemed like the others were just there to watch? Like I said - no idea. Anyway, OB was ready and these powerful, garish lights in the ceiling come on and lit up my lady parts. There was a white board just opposite of my footboard for nurses to write notes on and stuff. Once those lights went on, the board picked up the reflection from somewhere and I could see my junk clear as day! I got pissed cuz I thought someone put a mirror there. Lol. One of the nurses got a towel to quickly cover it up and the crisis was averted. OB told me that she was ready with the forceps positioned and I could start pushing at the next contraction. I felt one come on and I gave it my all. Every ounce of strength I had left went in to that push and it worked! OB said "he's out - stop pushing!" I didn't really feel anything - maybe some pressure was relieved but it wasn't immediate. Hubby was going nuts with joy then cuz he took a peek at him - "oh my god - he's beautiful!!" OB directed the rest of my pushes then - I think just 1 maybe 2 smaller pushes and his body was out and Kellen was placed on my chest. He was a bloody mess but oh my God - he was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen! He let out a single little wail, quieted down and opened his eyes and looked at hubby and me. OB gave hubby scissors to cut the cord and reported that the cord had been slightly wrapped around baby's neck - hence the heartrate issues. She said it is quite common. Kellen spent a couple minutes on my chest with us gazing at each other in exhausted disbelief. I just couldn't believe it. I was a mother!
They took Kellen to get cleaned up then and do the newborn screening (this was all done right in the room with us). Hubby went over to supervise while my doctor delivered the placenta and cleaned me up. I asked her if I tore and she said that I had - 3rd degree. She gave an explanation as to why I had tore that much - something to do with forceps being used and me pushing really hard. But I didn't even care. I was just in such a state of euphoria! Hubby was with Kellen. The nurses thought it was really cute that he (hubby) was so emotional. He was definitely crying. I was crying as well - but not as much... lol. My hubby has always worn his heart on his sleeve:) Kellen passed the screening with flying colors, he got all cleaned up, and they handed him back to me. After my OB had me stitched up they were going to have me try to nurse Kellen but for the time being he rested on my bare chest under the blanket. There is nothing in this world that is better than being skin to skin with your newborn. Hearing his adorable baby grunts and moans, feeling him relax as he seemed to melt into my skin, stroking his baby soft skin and inspecting all those cute fingers and toes - there are no words to describe how I felt at that moment and started tearing up again as I started to reflect on how hard we fought to conceive this little guy. All the pain of pregnancy and childbirth was so worth it!
There is more to the birth story than this but it has more to do with my recovery rather than Kellen's birth. So I will post in the days that follow more about what our recovery was like. We are all doing well with recovery though and adjusting to this new addition to our lives. It's unreal that we will be celebrating Kellen's 1 month birthday in a couple days!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Meet Kellen O'Brien!
Kellen O'Brien arrived October 31st!
He weighed in at 7lb 15oz & was 21" long.
He is as healthy as can be and is absolutely perfect!
I will post more in the days to come. We are still trying to catch our breath:)
Sunday, October 27, 2013
39 week belly pic
How Far Along: 39 weeks
Total Weight Gain: 40 lbs - yes, I lost a pound from last week (goal at 40 weeks was 35 lbs - goal is now 42 lbs)
Maternity Clothes: Yup! Really should be wearing a coat now that it's cooler out but of course I don't have one that fits. I've been wearing my husbands coat when I take the dog for a walk.
Movement: Same as last week - slow but frequent.
Sleep: Soooo tired. Soooo uncomfortable too. Even breathing is uncomfortable while trying to sleep. My nose is so plugged up so I have to breathe thru my mouth which I hate.
Gender: still a BOY!
Symptoms: menstrual-like cramps, pelvic pressure, breathlessness, pubic bone pain (this just gets worse and worse), vagina pain (like a sharp, stabbing pain - don't know if this is from my cervix or the actual birth canal), round ligament pain at times, Braxton Hicks contractions, carpal tunnel syndrome, swelling - hands beginning round 2 of swelling (my wedding ring barely fits on my pinky now - ugh, so sad!); wrist is too big for my watch now, sore feet, bones all over body crack when first getting up to move, tailbone pain, feet swelling, still SO HOT all the time.
Cravings: still ice cream!
Things I Miss: stamina, bending over, ability to walk normally, my wedding ring, regular underwear!
Highlight of the Week: finishing a deadline at work
Last Appointment: 10/23 - OB check. Cervix was still high and closed up tight.
Next Appointment: this Wednesday, 10/30 - OB check and cervix check
Preggo Lifesavers: maternity belt, boppy cuddle pillow, adjustable flip flops, ceiling fans, pedicures!
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