Anyway, more about our life has changed will be later. My goal for this post is to tell our birth story. I have been trying to do this for 4 weeks now but I rarely have 2 hands that are free anymore. If they are free, I am napping. So here goes!
On Wednesday, October 30th I went in for my 39 week OB check. I was 39 weeks 4 days. It was just as disappointing as the ones in prior weeks. Absolutely no action down there! Cervix could not even be reached it was still so high. My doctor said that it was highly likely that I will still be pregnant beyond my due date and so we discussed what our game plan will be the next week. Since my due date was that Saturday (November 2nd), OB wanted to schedule another weight check u/s, do a non-stress test for the baby, and another cervix check and discussion of the NST and u/s on Monday morning. I would be at the OB office for about 3 hours that morning. Ugh! I was discouraged because I knew the longer he stayed in there, the more likely it would be that I'd need a c-section. Plus I was just impatient in general. I really really wanted to meet him!! So I went home, told my hubby about my appointment and did a couple hours of work.
On Wednesdays I volunteer at this school where I help 3rd graders with their reading during lunch. I went to that at 11am. We have to sit in standard school chairs for the tutoring which are very hard and uncomfortable even for someone who is not 9 months pregnant. With my belly as big as it was, I had to sit on the chair while having my legs spread eagle, straddling the chair basically. So I was sitting like that - directly on my bladder. Tutoring lasted 1 hour and when I stood up to leave at noon, I suddenly felt like I was peeing my pants! I doubled over and that seemed to stop the flow. My regular pee-stopping muscles didn't seem to be working at the moment. I thought that it was the way that I had been sitting that caused a temporary loss of bladder control. So I ran to the bathroom where I thought I peed some more. I washed myself up somewhat (thankfully I was wearing all black that day so the pee spot could not be seen) and made it back to my car and back home incident-free.
Once home, hubby asked me how tutoring went. I said "fine, but I peed my pants!" He said "are you sure it wasn't your water breaking?!" At the time that possibility really hadn't occurred to me because of how my appointment went just a couple hours ago. But as I walked up the stairs to change my underwear and pants, I started peeing again! Then I thought - ok this is weird. Either I have REALLY bad incontinence or this is my water. I cleaned myself up, changed my clothes, and put on a monster maxi just in case I had another incident. Hubby said I should call my doctor but I decided to give it a couple hours to see if it continued before calling. I still had some things to wrap up at work, wanted to eat lunch, etc. and still wasn't convinced it was my water.
So an hour or two passed. Wrapped things up at work & ate lunch. While preparing lunch, I was "peeing" in a slow trickle the entire time. It would stop whenever I would sit/lie down. So after doing some googling and asking some friends, I decided to call my OB. They wanted me in right away to check me but said if it was my water, they wouldn't let me leave to go get my bag at home. Ugh! I was packed but not totally and there were things I wanted to take care of around the house before leaving. I asked if I could go in an hour and they said that was fine. So hubby wrapped up things at work, I notified my coworkers that I was going to be offline the rest of the day and we started getting the car packed.
Due to the time constraint that we were under, my initial plan of taking a leisurely walk with the dog while hubby loaded the car was foiled and instead the dog caught wind of our inevitable departure which made her start to freak out. I was not of sound mind either so that was not helping anything. The dog was making me upset and she was following me EVERYWHERE making me feel really guilty. Thank God I made a "go-time list" a couple days ago of last minute items to pack and things to do around the house before we left for the hospital. Even with that list though it was such an ordeal getting ready. I kept wandering aimlessly around the house and was peeing the ENTIRE time that I was packing! Even though I had put on a monster maxi pad, I was still compelled to take frequent potty breaks. By the time we were ready to go, all 3 of our toilets were really starting to act flaky - like they were exhausted from all the frequent flushing. At one point I just stopped flushing the toilets because I knew I would be back in a minute. LOL! I was pissed that I had to pack like this and was still thinking that it was just my bladder. Hubby was laughing at me the whole time - he knew it was my water from the start. I had envisioned contractions starting and packing the remaining items in a leisurely manner with occasional pauses and massages from hubby to get thru contractions. Not being able to take the dog for a walk really upset me. I felt like I needed that walk as much as the dog did. I was worried about how she would be after we left without her. Suitcases going into the car always mean that either she will be going to puppy daycare or coming along with us. Not this time though. And she could sense that I was not of sound state of mind with all my running around and going to the bathroom every 3 minutes. Thru it all though - no sign whatsoever of a contraction. Lucky me.
So finally we were ready to go. I should have taken a picture of the car when we left. It looked like we were off for a 2 week vacation in Mexico - not a 2-3 day stay in a hospital 10 minutes away. We get in the car, I was on the brink of tears from the anxiety and range of emotions I was feeling - much less having to listen to our dog crying when we left without her was almost too much. Hubby said that he would come back to check on her if we had to stay at the hospital. That made me feel a bit better and we started on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. It was a surreal making the trip. There was no traffic but it was a very gloomy, foggy afternoon. The trip we had been preparing for for 9 months was finally here! And the journey that we started on 3.5 years ago was finally coming to a happy ending! I was beginning to realize that my water had indeed broken and I'd be a mother soon. It was an exciting thought but also a scary one. Thoughts of self-doubt were racing thru my mind - would I be able to get thru labor, could I handle a newborn, how would breastfeeding go, would the baby be okay, what would he be like? But there was no turning back now! We were having this baby regardless.
We got to the hospital in one piece thanks to hubby's careful driving - had I been driving we no doubt would've ended up in a ditch! We skipped the valet parking since I didn't have any contractions and just parked ourselves. I checked in with my OB's office and was in the exam room in a couple minutes. The nurse who greeted me exclaimed about how much I had dropped since this morning. I couldn't feel it - all I could feel was the uncomfortable warmth that was in my underwear thanks to my peeing or amniotic fluid. The doctor sees me, does a swab test of the fluid and tested the acidity. Blue means amniotic fluid and the swab was so blue it was black. So sure enough, this was it! Another wave of emotion hit me but it was cut short by a feeling of panic since I realized that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime and it was nearly dinnertime. I knew once admitted to labor and delivery, they would not let me eat. So I told hubby to go get me something to eat at the cafeteria. Meanwhile, they got the check in process started. My OB said that I definitely had dropped, water was broken, but no contractions had started and still was not dilated - so that meant that I would be induced with pitocin. That was fine with me but I knew that just increased my odds of a c-section. I trusted my doctor though and knew that she would do whatever was in the best interests of the baby and me. Since my water did break, we had a 24 hour window starting from the point when I started leaking (at noon that day) that we had to deliver the baby before the risk of infection to the baby would increase. So at least I knew that labor would not last longer than noon the next day!
Hubby got back with a big greasy burger and a huge slice of greasy pizza. Ugh - I was not thrilled with that but he was thinking that I'd want something bad for my last meal before becoming a mother. I guess that made sense. But I should have specified that I wanted something a bit healthier with good carbs to give me energy to get thru the next 18 hours. Plus, I knew that whatever I ate might end up on the delivery table a short time later once I started pushing! But oh well, I didn't complain - I chose the pizza and I have to admit, it was delicious.
After eating we were shown to our room and were introduced to the nurses who would be taking care of me for the next couple hours. The doctor on call for the night came in to say "hi" and went over some things regarding the pitocin. They were going to start the drip at 7-7:30pm and were going to increase the amount gradually so things wouldn't move too fast, stressing out the baby, and forcing me to have a c-section. I got hooked up to all the monitors. One to monitor the contractions and the other to monitor the heartrate of the baby. By the way, before getting hooked up to these monitors, tell the nurses that you want a minute to wash up. I had all my makeup on from that morning still and it's my nighttime ritual to brush my teeth and wash my face so I don't feel like a total scuz bucket in the morning. I wasn't thinking though and when I asked a couple hours later to let me wash my face, etc for 5 minutes it was kind of an ordeal because the monitors kept throwing alarms and such. Really annoying! I would have preferred to not be hooked up like that at all until it was absolutely necessary but since I was being induced, my contractions and the baby had to be monitored at all times. Anyway - at this point hubby went home to check on the dog and feed her dinner so he could get back in time before the action started. It was storming that night so I was pretty nervous when he left, envisioning him getting into an accident or something and not being there for the birth of his son. LOL. He came back within an hour though and reported that all was well with the dog - she ate and went potty but was still upset. She would be good though until my mom came the following morning (she was going to stay at our house while we were in the hospital to keep an eye on things and watch the dog). By then they had inserted the IV with the pitocin and I was starting to finally feel mild contractions. They weren't bad at all and I thought "this is going to be easy. I've got this!". Little did I know...
Fast forward a couple hours, it was now 2 am. The nurses had changed shifts twice. Up until this point I was handling the contractions ok. There was one point where it got bad but I pushed thru it and they got easier. Hubby had been helping me breathe thru them too but I got annoyed with him and told him to go do something else. He had some work emails to address and fantasy football stuff to obsess over so he sat in the lazy boy next to my bed for awhile. At about midnight I told him that he might as well go to bed so he would be fresh whenever it was time to help me push - I DID want him around for that. So he retreated to the "man-cave" part of the maternity suite and went to bed. So anyway, it was 2 am and the contractions were getting BAD! I also forgot to mention that thru all of this I was still leaking amniotic fluid which required me to wear a diaper so I didn't have to have the nurse change my sheets every half hour. It was so uncomfortable just lying there "peeing" in my pants continuously. I was uncomfortable in general as well. The hospital bed was barely one step up from a worn out futon bed. My tailbone was constantly throbbing due to some sort of rod or lump that was right where I was sitting/laying. I had 5-6 hospital pillows that did not provide any support. Next time I am bringing my own. I did actually bring my pillows but didn't want to use them in case they got all nasty. A valid point - but next time I will be prepared and will have pillow protectors over them that I'll just throw away once the nastiness is over. The hospital gown that I was in was terrible un-sexy and had to be open in the back. Nothing like having the nurse roll you over with your backside toward your husband and having him see you with your diaper on and all! And after awhile they gave me these giant fishnet-type undies to wear over my diaper to keep it on. Now that was even sexier! LOL! So I keep on going off on tangents - anyway, it was 2 am and contractions were bad. The nurse came in to check my cervix (she had done this a couple hours ago as well - I was only 1.5 cm dilated). After all the terrible contractions I was still only 1.5 cm!! UGH! And now the baby was starting to display signs of distress. Nothing too terrible but enough to make the nurse tell me to lay on one side and stay there. So the contractions sucked, and all I could do was breathe thru them without moving or tensing up. Hubby was still sleeping (I did tell him to go to sleep - but I was beginning to regret it and was thinking of getting him up) and I was getting mad at him for being able to sleep. I should be the one sleeping - I'm doing all the work here!! And I'm nowhere near to the halfway point yet with my stupid cervix being dilated only 1.5 cm! I've got 10 more hours to get this baby out and at this rate I will surely need a c-section. Ugh! So finally I threw in the towel and told the nurse it was time for me to get an epidural. I had no intention of doing this without drugs anyway so why postpone the inevitable. I needed to try to get some sort of rest and the contractions were really not fun. They felt like your worst menstrual cramps ever multiplied by 1000. Really painful! At least I could say that I felt the pain of childbirth - I was now part of the club. Lol. The nurse called the anesthesiologist and I was set up with my epidural pronto. Getting the epi was a piece of cake. There was some mild pinching but I barely felt it since I was having a contraction at the time - so the pinching actually felt good in comparison. After 10 minutes my legs were numb - like they were asleep - and I did not feel my contractions anymore. Sigh of relief!!
My hubby woke up when they were giving me the epi and stayed up for a bit after. I was not in pain anymore so I no longer resented the fact that he had been sleeping that whole time. Lol. The next hour was uneventful but then my blood pressure started to get too low. So the nurse was in my room a lot monitoring me and having me switch the side I was laying on a lot. So unfortunately I didn't get too much sleep. She checked my cervix again and I was up to 6 cm! Just a couple hours earlier I was still at 1.5 cm. This was great! Goes to show what your body can do if you just relax. But this blood pressure thing was not getting any better. In order to stabilize it I had to lay on my right side which caused the baby's heartrate to drop so it was a constant back and forth type of thing - laying on my right side bringing my blood pressure back up then rolling to my left to bring the baby's heartrate back up and repeating. After awhile the nurse told me I had to wear an oxygen mask so I would get more oxygen and thus the baby would benefit and maybe his heartrate would stabilize. So now I had one more thing to deal with that was uncomfortable. This mask seemed to have been made for Mr. Potatohead too or for someone with an equally large and oddly shaped head. Plus, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air with this mask on. You'd think it would be the opposite given that it was an oxygen mask and all. Oh well. Baby seemed to like when I had it on though so it was all fine with me.
By now it was morning and it was time for the nurses to have another shift change. I do have to say that despite the terrible bed, pillows, diaper, constant rolling around, etc., the nurses were great. I did not have one nurse who I didn't like. Sometimes the nurse had a "protege" or a nurse in training with them who sometimes annoyed me - one of them tried to give me my IV and ended up poking me all over my arm and hand trying to find a vein only to give up and let the actual nurse do it with ease. But that was it. The experience could have been much worse if I had nasty nurses. This last set of nurses were amazing though. They checked my cervix not long after the shift change and said that I was fully dilated! Yeehaw!! I think it was around 9am maybe, not sure. But my actual OB was going to be back on her shift at 11am so the nurses turned off/down the pitocin to slow me down so I could start pushing under her supervision - which was GREAT! I was so excited that I wouldn't be in the hands of a stranger. I'm sure the OB on call was just as capable but I simply was more comfortable with my own doctor and knew that she would try really hard to avoid a c-section.
The road was somewhat rocky though between 9 and 11. My nurses came in to roll me again and suddenly alarms were being thrown and they started flipping out! One of them said "Whoa - baby did not like that! You need to get on your hands and knees NOW!" Okaaayyy. What the hell happened?? I slowly got to my hands and knees which was very awkward. The nurses were flying around the room - one was on the phone with my OB, the other was frantically getting an incubator for the baby set up and other items for delivery ready. That's what my hubby woke up to. Me with my bare ass up in the air facing him! I screamed at him to get up by my head cuz he was just sitting there staring with this look of shock on his face. "Please - I don't want you looking at me from that angle!" One of the nurses stuffed the oxygen mask over my mouth and said I had to breathe deep because baby was not happy. I reluctantly obliged. I was still worked up over my hubby seeing my huge diapered ass covered by white fish-net underwear and my hair was all over the place. I couldn't see and it was in my mouth. I remember practically inhaling it. Hubby got me a headband to keep it under control and finally came up to my head. After 5-10 minutes or so things began to stabilize and the nurses had me turn back over. I don't know what prompted baby to get so unhappy but I think that something went flaky with the sensor that was monitoring the baby's heartrate. So not long after that they positioned a sensor on baby's head to monitor him directly thus getting a more accurate picture of how he was doing.
At around 11:30am my doctor came in and said I was ready to start pushing. We were only 1/2 hour away from the point where my water broke 24 hours earlier but she said that we'd see how me and the baby would do before making a call for a c-section. Yay! I was eager to get going. The nurses gave me a crash course on how to push. When I felt a contraction coming on I was to take a deep breath in, hubby and one of the other nurses would hold up my calves, I was to put my hands behind my knees and bear down bringing my chin to my chest. Then I would hold my breath for a count of 10, pushing with all my strength like I was having a bowel movement. After the count of 10 I would exhale quickly, inhale then repeat the sequence 2 more times for a total of 3 sets of pushing. It took a couple times to get the hang of it. I still had my epidural so I could not tell sometimes if I was really pushing or not. I could still feel when a contraction was coming though. It was not painful of course - but there was a feeling of pressure and an urge to push. After I got the hang of it though pushing was actually enjoyable. I could not feel any pain and felt like I was finally able to contribute to getting this baby out in to the world. The need to meet him was incredibly intense and it translated in to my pushing. The nurses said after awhile that with the strength of my pushes, any other baby would have popped out by now. Not our baby of course though! His head was not incredibly large and my pelvis was not too small. He was positioned well - but that's just the way things happened to be for me I guess.
Noon quickly came and went. An hour passed. Then 2, then 3 hours. I was exhausted. After one pushing session I started dry heaving. Hubby said afterward that there were some pushes in there where my face turned purple. I was operating on ice chips and 1 slice of greasy pizza eaten more than 18 hours ago. I didn't complain though - I was so numb from pushing that I really didn't feel exhausted anymore. The epi was still doing it's job and I could not feel pain - still just the urge to push. The nurses would check every so often where baby's head was. They always said that progress was being made - but I think they were just trying to be encouraging. Hubby was a great coach and cheerleader, holding one of my legs, doing the counts of 10 and keeping me focused. My OB would step in every 15 minutes or so to check on things - always said I was doing great. But at around 2:30 she came in and said we were reaching the point where intervention had to be made. Baby was still ok but I was going on 3 hours pushing and we were way past the 24 hour window for labor since my water broke the day before. She said that she wanted to try to use forceps to get baby's head out. I said that was fine just get him out! She said that if forceps didn't work, a c-section would be necessary. UGH!! Then all my pushing would be for nothing and I'd have to recover from 2 traumas essentially!! So we gave our consent and she said I could rest a couple minutes while preparations were being made.
The nurses got on the phone and said a bunch of stuff about being ready for delivery and suddenly there were 20 people crowded in our room. I have no idea who they all were. All I know is that there was a nurse for the baby, my OB, and my nurses. Seemed like the others were just there to watch? Like I said - no idea. Anyway, OB was ready and these powerful, garish lights in the ceiling come on and lit up my lady parts. There was a white board just opposite of my footboard for nurses to write notes on and stuff. Once those lights went on, the board picked up the reflection from somewhere and I could see my junk clear as day! I got pissed cuz I thought someone put a mirror there. Lol. One of the nurses got a towel to quickly cover it up and the crisis was averted. OB told me that she was ready with the forceps positioned and I could start pushing at the next contraction. I felt one come on and I gave it my all. Every ounce of strength I had left went in to that push and it worked! OB said "he's out - stop pushing!" I didn't really feel anything - maybe some pressure was relieved but it wasn't immediate. Hubby was going nuts with joy then cuz he took a peek at him - "oh my god - he's beautiful!!" OB directed the rest of my pushes then - I think just 1 maybe 2 smaller pushes and his body was out and Kellen was placed on my chest. He was a bloody mess but oh my God - he was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen! He let out a single little wail, quieted down and opened his eyes and looked at hubby and me. OB gave hubby scissors to cut the cord and reported that the cord had been slightly wrapped around baby's neck - hence the heartrate issues. She said it is quite common. Kellen spent a couple minutes on my chest with us gazing at each other in exhausted disbelief. I just couldn't believe it. I was a mother!
They took Kellen to get cleaned up then and do the newborn screening (this was all done right in the room with us). Hubby went over to supervise while my doctor delivered the placenta and cleaned me up. I asked her if I tore and she said that I had - 3rd degree. She gave an explanation as to why I had tore that much - something to do with forceps being used and me pushing really hard. But I didn't even care. I was just in such a state of euphoria! Hubby was with Kellen. The nurses thought it was really cute that he (hubby) was so emotional. He was definitely crying. I was crying as well - but not as much... lol. My hubby has always worn his heart on his sleeve:) Kellen passed the screening with flying colors, he got all cleaned up, and they handed him back to me. After my OB had me stitched up they were going to have me try to nurse Kellen but for the time being he rested on my bare chest under the blanket. There is nothing in this world that is better than being skin to skin with your newborn. Hearing his adorable baby grunts and moans, feeling him relax as he seemed to melt into my skin, stroking his baby soft skin and inspecting all those cute fingers and toes - there are no words to describe how I felt at that moment and started tearing up again as I started to reflect on how hard we fought to conceive this little guy. All the pain of pregnancy and childbirth was so worth it!
There is more to the birth story than this but it has more to do with my recovery rather than Kellen's birth. So I will post in the days that follow more about what our recovery was like. We are all doing well with recovery though and adjusting to this new addition to our lives. It's unreal that we will be celebrating Kellen's 1 month birthday in a couple days!
Due to the time constraint that we were under, my initial plan of taking a leisurely walk with the dog while hubby loaded the car was foiled and instead the dog caught wind of our inevitable departure which made her start to freak out. I was not of sound mind either so that was not helping anything. The dog was making me upset and she was following me EVERYWHERE making me feel really guilty. Thank God I made a "go-time list" a couple days ago of last minute items to pack and things to do around the house before we left for the hospital. Even with that list though it was such an ordeal getting ready. I kept wandering aimlessly around the house and was peeing the ENTIRE time that I was packing! Even though I had put on a monster maxi pad, I was still compelled to take frequent potty breaks. By the time we were ready to go, all 3 of our toilets were really starting to act flaky - like they were exhausted from all the frequent flushing. At one point I just stopped flushing the toilets because I knew I would be back in a minute. LOL! I was pissed that I had to pack like this and was still thinking that it was just my bladder. Hubby was laughing at me the whole time - he knew it was my water from the start. I had envisioned contractions starting and packing the remaining items in a leisurely manner with occasional pauses and massages from hubby to get thru contractions. Not being able to take the dog for a walk really upset me. I felt like I needed that walk as much as the dog did. I was worried about how she would be after we left without her. Suitcases going into the car always mean that either she will be going to puppy daycare or coming along with us. Not this time though. And she could sense that I was not of sound state of mind with all my running around and going to the bathroom every 3 minutes. Thru it all though - no sign whatsoever of a contraction. Lucky me.
So finally we were ready to go. I should have taken a picture of the car when we left. It looked like we were off for a 2 week vacation in Mexico - not a 2-3 day stay in a hospital 10 minutes away. We get in the car, I was on the brink of tears from the anxiety and range of emotions I was feeling - much less having to listen to our dog crying when we left without her was almost too much. Hubby said that he would come back to check on her if we had to stay at the hospital. That made me feel a bit better and we started on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. It was a surreal making the trip. There was no traffic but it was a very gloomy, foggy afternoon. The trip we had been preparing for for 9 months was finally here! And the journey that we started on 3.5 years ago was finally coming to a happy ending! I was beginning to realize that my water had indeed broken and I'd be a mother soon. It was an exciting thought but also a scary one. Thoughts of self-doubt were racing thru my mind - would I be able to get thru labor, could I handle a newborn, how would breastfeeding go, would the baby be okay, what would he be like? But there was no turning back now! We were having this baby regardless.
We got to the hospital in one piece thanks to hubby's careful driving - had I been driving we no doubt would've ended up in a ditch! We skipped the valet parking since I didn't have any contractions and just parked ourselves. I checked in with my OB's office and was in the exam room in a couple minutes. The nurse who greeted me exclaimed about how much I had dropped since this morning. I couldn't feel it - all I could feel was the uncomfortable warmth that was in my underwear thanks to my peeing or amniotic fluid. The doctor sees me, does a swab test of the fluid and tested the acidity. Blue means amniotic fluid and the swab was so blue it was black. So sure enough, this was it! Another wave of emotion hit me but it was cut short by a feeling of panic since I realized that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime and it was nearly dinnertime. I knew once admitted to labor and delivery, they would not let me eat. So I told hubby to go get me something to eat at the cafeteria. Meanwhile, they got the check in process started. My OB said that I definitely had dropped, water was broken, but no contractions had started and still was not dilated - so that meant that I would be induced with pitocin. That was fine with me but I knew that just increased my odds of a c-section. I trusted my doctor though and knew that she would do whatever was in the best interests of the baby and me. Since my water did break, we had a 24 hour window starting from the point when I started leaking (at noon that day) that we had to deliver the baby before the risk of infection to the baby would increase. So at least I knew that labor would not last longer than noon the next day!
Hubby got back with a big greasy burger and a huge slice of greasy pizza. Ugh - I was not thrilled with that but he was thinking that I'd want something bad for my last meal before becoming a mother. I guess that made sense. But I should have specified that I wanted something a bit healthier with good carbs to give me energy to get thru the next 18 hours. Plus, I knew that whatever I ate might end up on the delivery table a short time later once I started pushing! But oh well, I didn't complain - I chose the pizza and I have to admit, it was delicious.
After eating we were shown to our room and were introduced to the nurses who would be taking care of me for the next couple hours. The doctor on call for the night came in to say "hi" and went over some things regarding the pitocin. They were going to start the drip at 7-7:30pm and were going to increase the amount gradually so things wouldn't move too fast, stressing out the baby, and forcing me to have a c-section. I got hooked up to all the monitors. One to monitor the contractions and the other to monitor the heartrate of the baby. By the way, before getting hooked up to these monitors, tell the nurses that you want a minute to wash up. I had all my makeup on from that morning still and it's my nighttime ritual to brush my teeth and wash my face so I don't feel like a total scuz bucket in the morning. I wasn't thinking though and when I asked a couple hours later to let me wash my face, etc for 5 minutes it was kind of an ordeal because the monitors kept throwing alarms and such. Really annoying! I would have preferred to not be hooked up like that at all until it was absolutely necessary but since I was being induced, my contractions and the baby had to be monitored at all times. Anyway - at this point hubby went home to check on the dog and feed her dinner so he could get back in time before the action started. It was storming that night so I was pretty nervous when he left, envisioning him getting into an accident or something and not being there for the birth of his son. LOL. He came back within an hour though and reported that all was well with the dog - she ate and went potty but was still upset. She would be good though until my mom came the following morning (she was going to stay at our house while we were in the hospital to keep an eye on things and watch the dog). By then they had inserted the IV with the pitocin and I was starting to finally feel mild contractions. They weren't bad at all and I thought "this is going to be easy. I've got this!". Little did I know...
Fast forward a couple hours, it was now 2 am. The nurses had changed shifts twice. Up until this point I was handling the contractions ok. There was one point where it got bad but I pushed thru it and they got easier. Hubby had been helping me breathe thru them too but I got annoyed with him and told him to go do something else. He had some work emails to address and fantasy football stuff to obsess over so he sat in the lazy boy next to my bed for awhile. At about midnight I told him that he might as well go to bed so he would be fresh whenever it was time to help me push - I DID want him around for that. So he retreated to the "man-cave" part of the maternity suite and went to bed. So anyway, it was 2 am and the contractions were getting BAD! I also forgot to mention that thru all of this I was still leaking amniotic fluid which required me to wear a diaper so I didn't have to have the nurse change my sheets every half hour. It was so uncomfortable just lying there "peeing" in my pants continuously. I was uncomfortable in general as well. The hospital bed was barely one step up from a worn out futon bed. My tailbone was constantly throbbing due to some sort of rod or lump that was right where I was sitting/laying. I had 5-6 hospital pillows that did not provide any support. Next time I am bringing my own. I did actually bring my pillows but didn't want to use them in case they got all nasty. A valid point - but next time I will be prepared and will have pillow protectors over them that I'll just throw away once the nastiness is over. The hospital gown that I was in was terrible un-sexy and had to be open in the back. Nothing like having the nurse roll you over with your backside toward your husband and having him see you with your diaper on and all! And after awhile they gave me these giant fishnet-type undies to wear over my diaper to keep it on. Now that was even sexier! LOL! So I keep on going off on tangents - anyway, it was 2 am and contractions were bad. The nurse came in to check my cervix (she had done this a couple hours ago as well - I was only 1.5 cm dilated). After all the terrible contractions I was still only 1.5 cm!! UGH! And now the baby was starting to display signs of distress. Nothing too terrible but enough to make the nurse tell me to lay on one side and stay there. So the contractions sucked, and all I could do was breathe thru them without moving or tensing up. Hubby was still sleeping (I did tell him to go to sleep - but I was beginning to regret it and was thinking of getting him up) and I was getting mad at him for being able to sleep. I should be the one sleeping - I'm doing all the work here!! And I'm nowhere near to the halfway point yet with my stupid cervix being dilated only 1.5 cm! I've got 10 more hours to get this baby out and at this rate I will surely need a c-section. Ugh! So finally I threw in the towel and told the nurse it was time for me to get an epidural. I had no intention of doing this without drugs anyway so why postpone the inevitable. I needed to try to get some sort of rest and the contractions were really not fun. They felt like your worst menstrual cramps ever multiplied by 1000. Really painful! At least I could say that I felt the pain of childbirth - I was now part of the club. Lol. The nurse called the anesthesiologist and I was set up with my epidural pronto. Getting the epi was a piece of cake. There was some mild pinching but I barely felt it since I was having a contraction at the time - so the pinching actually felt good in comparison. After 10 minutes my legs were numb - like they were asleep - and I did not feel my contractions anymore. Sigh of relief!!
My hubby woke up when they were giving me the epi and stayed up for a bit after. I was not in pain anymore so I no longer resented the fact that he had been sleeping that whole time. Lol. The next hour was uneventful but then my blood pressure started to get too low. So the nurse was in my room a lot monitoring me and having me switch the side I was laying on a lot. So unfortunately I didn't get too much sleep. She checked my cervix again and I was up to 6 cm! Just a couple hours earlier I was still at 1.5 cm. This was great! Goes to show what your body can do if you just relax. But this blood pressure thing was not getting any better. In order to stabilize it I had to lay on my right side which caused the baby's heartrate to drop so it was a constant back and forth type of thing - laying on my right side bringing my blood pressure back up then rolling to my left to bring the baby's heartrate back up and repeating. After awhile the nurse told me I had to wear an oxygen mask so I would get more oxygen and thus the baby would benefit and maybe his heartrate would stabilize. So now I had one more thing to deal with that was uncomfortable. This mask seemed to have been made for Mr. Potatohead too or for someone with an equally large and oddly shaped head. Plus, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air with this mask on. You'd think it would be the opposite given that it was an oxygen mask and all. Oh well. Baby seemed to like when I had it on though so it was all fine with me.
By now it was morning and it was time for the nurses to have another shift change. I do have to say that despite the terrible bed, pillows, diaper, constant rolling around, etc., the nurses were great. I did not have one nurse who I didn't like. Sometimes the nurse had a "protege" or a nurse in training with them who sometimes annoyed me - one of them tried to give me my IV and ended up poking me all over my arm and hand trying to find a vein only to give up and let the actual nurse do it with ease. But that was it. The experience could have been much worse if I had nasty nurses. This last set of nurses were amazing though. They checked my cervix not long after the shift change and said that I was fully dilated! Yeehaw!! I think it was around 9am maybe, not sure. But my actual OB was going to be back on her shift at 11am so the nurses turned off/down the pitocin to slow me down so I could start pushing under her supervision - which was GREAT! I was so excited that I wouldn't be in the hands of a stranger. I'm sure the OB on call was just as capable but I simply was more comfortable with my own doctor and knew that she would try really hard to avoid a c-section.
The road was somewhat rocky though between 9 and 11. My nurses came in to roll me again and suddenly alarms were being thrown and they started flipping out! One of them said "Whoa - baby did not like that! You need to get on your hands and knees NOW!" Okaaayyy. What the hell happened?? I slowly got to my hands and knees which was very awkward. The nurses were flying around the room - one was on the phone with my OB, the other was frantically getting an incubator for the baby set up and other items for delivery ready. That's what my hubby woke up to. Me with my bare ass up in the air facing him! I screamed at him to get up by my head cuz he was just sitting there staring with this look of shock on his face. "Please - I don't want you looking at me from that angle!" One of the nurses stuffed the oxygen mask over my mouth and said I had to breathe deep because baby was not happy. I reluctantly obliged. I was still worked up over my hubby seeing my huge diapered ass covered by white fish-net underwear and my hair was all over the place. I couldn't see and it was in my mouth. I remember practically inhaling it. Hubby got me a headband to keep it under control and finally came up to my head. After 5-10 minutes or so things began to stabilize and the nurses had me turn back over. I don't know what prompted baby to get so unhappy but I think that something went flaky with the sensor that was monitoring the baby's heartrate. So not long after that they positioned a sensor on baby's head to monitor him directly thus getting a more accurate picture of how he was doing.
At around 11:30am my doctor came in and said I was ready to start pushing. We were only 1/2 hour away from the point where my water broke 24 hours earlier but she said that we'd see how me and the baby would do before making a call for a c-section. Yay! I was eager to get going. The nurses gave me a crash course on how to push. When I felt a contraction coming on I was to take a deep breath in, hubby and one of the other nurses would hold up my calves, I was to put my hands behind my knees and bear down bringing my chin to my chest. Then I would hold my breath for a count of 10, pushing with all my strength like I was having a bowel movement. After the count of 10 I would exhale quickly, inhale then repeat the sequence 2 more times for a total of 3 sets of pushing. It took a couple times to get the hang of it. I still had my epidural so I could not tell sometimes if I was really pushing or not. I could still feel when a contraction was coming though. It was not painful of course - but there was a feeling of pressure and an urge to push. After I got the hang of it though pushing was actually enjoyable. I could not feel any pain and felt like I was finally able to contribute to getting this baby out in to the world. The need to meet him was incredibly intense and it translated in to my pushing. The nurses said after awhile that with the strength of my pushes, any other baby would have popped out by now. Not our baby of course though! His head was not incredibly large and my pelvis was not too small. He was positioned well - but that's just the way things happened to be for me I guess.
Noon quickly came and went. An hour passed. Then 2, then 3 hours. I was exhausted. After one pushing session I started dry heaving. Hubby said afterward that there were some pushes in there where my face turned purple. I was operating on ice chips and 1 slice of greasy pizza eaten more than 18 hours ago. I didn't complain though - I was so numb from pushing that I really didn't feel exhausted anymore. The epi was still doing it's job and I could not feel pain - still just the urge to push. The nurses would check every so often where baby's head was. They always said that progress was being made - but I think they were just trying to be encouraging. Hubby was a great coach and cheerleader, holding one of my legs, doing the counts of 10 and keeping me focused. My OB would step in every 15 minutes or so to check on things - always said I was doing great. But at around 2:30 she came in and said we were reaching the point where intervention had to be made. Baby was still ok but I was going on 3 hours pushing and we were way past the 24 hour window for labor since my water broke the day before. She said that she wanted to try to use forceps to get baby's head out. I said that was fine just get him out! She said that if forceps didn't work, a c-section would be necessary. UGH!! Then all my pushing would be for nothing and I'd have to recover from 2 traumas essentially!! So we gave our consent and she said I could rest a couple minutes while preparations were being made.
The nurses got on the phone and said a bunch of stuff about being ready for delivery and suddenly there were 20 people crowded in our room. I have no idea who they all were. All I know is that there was a nurse for the baby, my OB, and my nurses. Seemed like the others were just there to watch? Like I said - no idea. Anyway, OB was ready and these powerful, garish lights in the ceiling come on and lit up my lady parts. There was a white board just opposite of my footboard for nurses to write notes on and stuff. Once those lights went on, the board picked up the reflection from somewhere and I could see my junk clear as day! I got pissed cuz I thought someone put a mirror there. Lol. One of the nurses got a towel to quickly cover it up and the crisis was averted. OB told me that she was ready with the forceps positioned and I could start pushing at the next contraction. I felt one come on and I gave it my all. Every ounce of strength I had left went in to that push and it worked! OB said "he's out - stop pushing!" I didn't really feel anything - maybe some pressure was relieved but it wasn't immediate. Hubby was going nuts with joy then cuz he took a peek at him - "oh my god - he's beautiful!!" OB directed the rest of my pushes then - I think just 1 maybe 2 smaller pushes and his body was out and Kellen was placed on my chest. He was a bloody mess but oh my God - he was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen! He let out a single little wail, quieted down and opened his eyes and looked at hubby and me. OB gave hubby scissors to cut the cord and reported that the cord had been slightly wrapped around baby's neck - hence the heartrate issues. She said it is quite common. Kellen spent a couple minutes on my chest with us gazing at each other in exhausted disbelief. I just couldn't believe it. I was a mother!
They took Kellen to get cleaned up then and do the newborn screening (this was all done right in the room with us). Hubby went over to supervise while my doctor delivered the placenta and cleaned me up. I asked her if I tore and she said that I had - 3rd degree. She gave an explanation as to why I had tore that much - something to do with forceps being used and me pushing really hard. But I didn't even care. I was just in such a state of euphoria! Hubby was with Kellen. The nurses thought it was really cute that he (hubby) was so emotional. He was definitely crying. I was crying as well - but not as much... lol. My hubby has always worn his heart on his sleeve:) Kellen passed the screening with flying colors, he got all cleaned up, and they handed him back to me. After my OB had me stitched up they were going to have me try to nurse Kellen but for the time being he rested on my bare chest under the blanket. There is nothing in this world that is better than being skin to skin with your newborn. Hearing his adorable baby grunts and moans, feeling him relax as he seemed to melt into my skin, stroking his baby soft skin and inspecting all those cute fingers and toes - there are no words to describe how I felt at that moment and started tearing up again as I started to reflect on how hard we fought to conceive this little guy. All the pain of pregnancy and childbirth was so worth it!
There is more to the birth story than this but it has more to do with my recovery rather than Kellen's birth. So I will post in the days that follow more about what our recovery was like. We are all doing well with recovery though and adjusting to this new addition to our lives. It's unreal that we will be celebrating Kellen's 1 month birthday in a couple days!
